2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today we will talk about harmony for ourselves, personally. A lot of trouble comes from him. And if we learn to negotiate with him, then this is already half the way to ourselves, harmonious and calm.
When we feel bad, you can be sure you will hear your critic. He is right there, he will not keep himself waiting. Everything that your parents, teachers and older people told you - everything will be remembered. And to remember for some reason is only bad. This is how our memory is arranged: “You are an egoist, you are a bad friend, you are a slob, you are clumsy. Where you go, it's not up to you to decide. Look at yourself in the mirror. You are a failure.”And this is only a small part of what is in us.
Oh, how cruel we are to ourselves. But, our critic is, as it were, a preventive (in advance) defense against supposed external criticism. From the negative impact of the external environment on you. We, as it were, pour out slops and doubts on ourselves in advance. I'd rather scold myself now, and I know why, than others will.
But it is not you who are criticizing yourself. It is very important to understand that the inner critic is not you. This is the voice of mom, dad, friend, school. Do not deny him existence. It is there and you can't get away from it. Try to negotiate with him.
The first step is to admit that you have such a critic of your own, and he is somehow trying to protect you. He tries, anyway. Even if in bad words (but, you remember your mother)), but this is a kind of concern.
The second step is to understand that this critic is not you. It is like a set of programs to save you from troubles and failures. But what worked in childhood and generally 5 years ago may not work today.
Therefore, when again you hear your inner monologue about the fact that you are a failure and nothing will work out. Say stop to yourself. Hey! Hello critic! Thank you for protecting me, but now I am stronger and smarter. I am an adult and I can take responsibility for myself. I will succeed”.
Try to negotiate with him. Hold on a dialogue with him. Ask: “Why do you think so? After all, now I have achieved this, and this. I was able to do this and that. Find examples you can show as proof of your determination and strength. Yes, at least some, the main thing for the brain is to give an example.
For the most advanced, there is the practice of drawing up a portrait of their critic.
Take a piece of paper and divide it into 4 columns. In the first column, write
Criticism. Write down all the phrases you hear from the critic. Yes, I'll tell you right away that the first phrase will be: "All this is nonsense." And so on, the main thing is to write down everything that you hear. You can pause for 5/10 minutes, wash the dishes, talk on the phone, and return to the list
Portrait. Look at the list and try to compose a portrait of someone who might say this. Imagine an image of this person. What is he? Man or woman? Young or old? Sounds like a 9th grade geography teacher or a department head? How old is he? Imagine as a living person.
Choose the most catchy phrase from the list. Ask the presented critic: “What did you want to protect me from with this criticism? What do you think I cannot survive? »Maybe the answer will not come right away, but try it. Alternatively, it can be: "From shame, from disappointment, from pain in the heart …"
Thank your critic. Write him the answer. “I can deal with shame and disappointment. I train my consciousness and I know that it will not bring me the feeling of pain. I see all my mistakes and work on them. I'm done . Remember to compliment yourself. Your little inner child hears all this dialogue too.
Thus, you compose a portrait of your critic and realize the benefits that he brings to you. Remember, it is pointless to fight him, he is our inner part. We can negotiate with him and make him respect us. Communicate with him firmly and correctly. Thank him for his concern.
Well, that's all for today. Inner harmony is very important, my dears. Make peace with your critic and everything will be fine. There is no one better than you.
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