2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I think everyone knows that breaking psychological boundaries is at least unpleasant. Not everyone knows that everyone has their own boundaries. And although there are some generally accepted norms (for example, keeping a distance from a person during a conversation, not asking too personal questions to unfamiliar people, etc.), as a result, everyone has their own boundaries. The map is not the territory, which is already there)
The problem here is that many people (even those who are advanced in terms of psychology) are not always aware of their boundaries. Then it turns out like this: there is some kind of communication, interaction, as a result of which, for some reason, it is not very good (physically, emotionally, it does not matter how). This is a good sign that the boundaries (criteria) have been violated.
About the environment
I was convinced for a long time: the environment influences us much more than we would like. We learn from the environment, read and repeat patterns of behavior, often without realizing it. Therefore, it is better to form the environment consciously, ideally according to the principle “I communicate with those whom I want to be like”. And if you work with people who annoy you from the beginning to the end of the working day, then something is wrong here. Because, whether you like it or not, you will copy some patterns from them. From those people who pissed you off so hellishly. I hope the comic and tragedy of the situation is clear.
It's like a surzhik. If a person grew up surrounded by people communicating in surzhik, then it is very difficult to get rid of this habit. At the same time, I think, almost everyone will agree that surzhik is a verbal abomination, and you can't go anywhere.
There is an opinion that our environment is a reflection of what we have inside. And indeed it is. If you track your reactions to people around you and work with them (reactions), you can work through many childhood traumas, repressed experience, find shadow resources, etc.
But! If you allow your environment to shape “as it happens,” the environment is likely to shape from past experience. Problems from childhood, a difficult experience unlived in its time, shadow aspects and so on can be worked through endlessly - that is, to wallow in the past, from which the future cannot be seen.
If a person has goals, aspirations, a desire to develop, then it is better to communicate with people who like something, whom you want to be like, from whom you want to learn.
About communication goals
Any communication is needed for some reason. And here either you understand why, or you are carried away. Often not in the right place.
What do I want to get from communicating with this person?
By the way, the goals of communication can be very different. One understanding of these goals is also work on oneself. For example, when you expect a father's acceptance from a boss, or a girl you meet for two whole weeks, motherly love, that is, a reason to think about many things. Or when you expect from a colleague that he will exclusively praise you (from what?). Or when over and over again you turn to the same person, and over and over again run into rudeness, but continue to turn to this person, then this is clearly a signal that you need to work out something from the past, perhaps from childhood.
What to do with the environment
The environment needs to be divided into parts for oneself and rules of interaction must be worked out for each part.
For example, close people (with whom you can talk about personal), people important in the professional sphere (with whom it is important to maintain good relations, but without a personal aspect), people who do not care deeply (a former classmate, for example, who does not care), people with whom there is a one-time communication (aunt in the passport office), and so on.
Each group should have its own criteria and boundaries, which it is better not to go beyond. And communication with people from each group will be built in different ways. And, most importantly, the communication goals for each group will also be completely different.
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