2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“I’m so afraid not to be in time
At least something to be in time …"
Zemfira
This is I often hear “I'm afraid of not being in time” in work with clients.
To have time to "fall in love, have time to get married, have time to cash in, have time … to suffer" all because of Her Majesty - Love!
Without a doubt, these are the words of those people who do not understand themselves, their own desires, their needs.
The key word here is "own".
Almost every day I come across a common misconception among clients that love is addiction.
So, this is the deepest delusion.
Love is freedom, flight, pleasure!
A frequent client theme in the work of a family psychologist is misunderstanding of partners, betrayal, mistrust, betrayal, codependency.
“I love him so much! I can't eat without him, sleep, breathe, I can't be happy without him!"
The more zealous such assurances sound, the more questions I have about the feeling of love in the relationship between a man and a woman.
Sometimes I ask and answer such assurances:
“Are you sure this is about love? Rather, you don't love your husband / partner!"
In righteous anger I hear:
“What are you doing? Yes, I’m ready for anything for him! I can't live without him!"
I answer:
“What you are telling me is not about love. About your delusion about yourself. If life itself is of no value to you, and you need another person for your survival, then this is about the need for the presence of someone who will support you. And you yourself cannot exist separately, personally, without a crutch or support?"
And this applies to both men and women in relationships, both partners.
The first step that we take with the client is looking for an answer to sacred questions:
"Who am I? Essentially? Am I important to myself? Am I interesting to myself?"
Love is about freedom of choice
About the possibilities of each in a pair.
Love is when both love each other, but are quite able to breathe, live, do without each other. But! They consciously choose to be together! Each of us has a need for love, each of us wants to be protected, taken care of, even nursed, regretted when sad and lonely. We are all human. And we all come from childhood.
And each of us - with his own, special, disliked and underdeveloped.
Moreover! Each of us, the most prestigious adult and conscious, in the depths of his soul he wants to be treated kindly by someone's care, wrapped up in tenderness, kindly treated with love.
And this is important and correct!
And so it happens with most of us.
And we yearn for love and understanding.
On condition, that these desires are not defining and dominating over us, our relationships, our lives.
In the process of working with the client, we learn to calmly look into the depths of ourselves, our unconscious desires, smoothly accept these new understandings, feelings and discoveries, we learn to share the same care with our partner.
What do you think - is it possible to be happy without a relationship with a partner?
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