2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The habit of self-criticism is one of the most destructive habits for a person's well-being. For internal well-being, first of all.
On the outside, a person can look good and even successful. And inside - to feel like a nonentity that cannot cope with its life. Unfortunately, this is not such a rare occurrence.
Self-support is a skill that helps to change the inner feeling from "minus" to "plus". Go from "I am bad and worthless" to "I am fine, I am capable, I can" and this will qualitatively change the feelings of myself and my life.
The only thing is that simply affirmations and self-talk are indispensable. I think if my reader has a habit of self-criticism and has tried affirmations, he already knows this from experience: it is impossible to persuade yourself that everything is OK with you if in your heart you absolutely don’t believe in it.
Moving from self-criticism to self-support takes time and attention.
First, pay attention to critical "voices" and what they "whisper". That is, to the composition of those thoughts that appear in a person when he criticizes himself.
Then to the analysis of these messages.
Then to doubts about the veracity and fairness of their words …
"Before you fill a vessel with something new, you need to free it from the old one."
Yes, the self-support skill is built on former self-criticism.
This stage cannot be dispensed with.
Working with self-criticism, in this sense, is like processing a toxic substance into fertile soil on which you can grow new, resource habits - noticing your achievements, recognizing and accepting them, appreciating your work, your contribution and just yourself.
And just like cultivating the soil and growing crops, this work takes time, measuredness and regularity.
⠀ That is why the format of long-term therapy is stable and regular meetings.
And according to this therapist, it is so difficult to tell the past person how long it will take to solve his problem and "grow" inside him a new, blossoming fruitful "garden".
After all, he does not know what exactly and in what volume the other person carries inside himself. On what soil does he want to grow his garden.
Maybe you dig and find black soil and fresh underground springs. Or maybe rusty reinforcement, clay and polyethylene.
Someone brings frozen ground covered with ice. And someone floats all over like an icy iceberg.
Climate, changing weather conditions, the availability of useful gardening equipment (resources) in reserve and the ability to use it (the ability to receive support) - it is impossible to predict and discern in advance.
All this can be learned only in the process, on the way.
And in each case, when meeting with the inner world of a person, it is possible to change something only in accordance with all the variety of circumstances and, most importantly, the current choice and desire of the person who came to the session.
Maria Veresk,
Online psychologist, gestalt therapist.
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