"Stop Playing The Victim." Why This Formula Doesn't Work

Video: "Stop Playing The Victim." Why This Formula Doesn't Work

Video: "Stop Playing The Victim." Why This Formula Doesn't Work
Video: #6 STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM - Shahrzad Dadgar 2024, March
"Stop Playing The Victim." Why This Formula Doesn't Work
"Stop Playing The Victim." Why This Formula Doesn't Work
Anonim

The concept of “sacrifice” has become a part of our everyday life - thanks to popular trainings, personal growth programs, etc.

You Acting Like a Victim, Stop Playing a Victim, I'm a Typical Victim - chilling thrillers from the creators of Uncover the Real Woman in You and How to Gain Unbreakable Self-Confidence.

I don’t know about you, but every time I am jerked by the merciless declension of the word “victim” in all conceivable and inconceivable contexts. I'll tell you why.

1. Sometimes a person does become a victim, and this is important to acknowledge.

Unfortunately, we cannot completely control our lives. No one is immune from fire, earthquake, flood, crime. To admit that you yourself are to blame for these things is to justify violence or to take on the role of God.

Of course, it's nice to have the illusion that if you behave yourself and wear only floor-length skirts, it will help you avoid all kinds of scary things. This protects against the terrible truth of life and a cruel world. But hearing such things is not useful for a person who has already become a victim of violence - it is not useful, painful and excruciating.

2. Self-flagellation is a sure way to neurosis.

Sensitive and caring people easily believe they are to blame because they behave like "victims."

The truth is, in fact, that any problems in a relationship are profitable together. I do something that hurts another. The other does something that bothers me. This is an interdependent process. Responsibility in him is always 50 to 50. Where the “victim” is, there is the “executioner”, and the “savior”, and the “laughing crowd”. Finding a scapegoat won't solve the problem.

3. Sticking labels hasn't helped anyone yet.

Even if a person admits that he tends to blame others and not himself - and this habitual, entrenched behavior prevents him from living - this is only the starting point of work.

Further, the psychotherapist will study, together with the client, how this mechanism works, how it was formed, what it is for and what will happen if it is turned off. And, most importantly, what this mechanism can be replaced with.

Psychotherapy helps to develop flexibility in reactions. In some situations, being a weak woman is a good practice. For example, when you are alone with a heavy suitcase, and there is a basketball team in the next queue. In another situation, on the contrary, activity and risk will be more useful. It's bad when the response is the same. It's good to have options.

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