How To Learn To Rely On Yourself? Become A Kind Mother To Yourself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Each of us needs a mother - a person who cares and thinks about us, for whom our interests are above everything else.

An adult becomes this mother for himself

Each of us has an “inner mother” - that part of the personality that is responsible for the care, love and support addressed to us.

Whether this “mom” is demanding, disregarding, or caring and supportive depends on two factors. From the examples we saw in childhood, whether our mother had the right to take care of herself. And on how much she has invested in us a sense of our personal value.

In our Soviet childhood, abandoning ourselves for the sake of children and or the need to work is the ideology of most mothers. And, in general, taking care of yourself was somehow unpleasant. Everyone knows that I am the last letter in the alphabet.

If I have no right to take care of myself, I expect others to take care of me

For a long time this big “social mother” was the state on which all the aspirations and dreams were entrusted. Several generations have a stereotype that someone big and strong is responsible for my life, health and well-being.

The “mom” for a person can be the organization or the company in which he works.

The almighty parental figure for more than two thousand years for a huge number of people has been God. But the folk wisdom - “trust in God, but don’t make a mistake yourself” makes it possible to take on at least part of the responsibility.

Expectations that someone else is obliged to take care of me - my husband (wife), leader, my team, my friends, the state or God - give a person confidence that someone else is responsible for his life

“Because of my colleagues I have to work in three shifts”, “If he loved me, he would not care that I smoke so much”, “Because of her, I started drinking”, “My son should see how I strive and offer help "," If she is a real friend, she must understand and rush to my help."

And on whom is the responsibility, on that and the fault.

Of course, then phrases appear: "Oh, of course, I understand that it is my own fault that I have hoped for other people." "I'm a fool for believing and hoping for him." "I shouldn't have counted on it."

But this does not change the essence. There remains a deep resentment and a sense of betrayal. The feeling that these people have betrayed. As if the responsibility still lay with them, and they failed, did not justify, did not master, did not cope.

Such a big childish grudge against mom.

That did not love and did not care.

Your own personal “inner mother” can be very cruel and demanding, exhausting and critical

And in order to survive with such a “mom”, you have to constantly go for tricks. The kind of tricks that children go to to get at least something for themselves. You can get sick so as not to go to school or use the method for adults - "I drank and is free all day."

No matter what tricks people go to to deceive their tough and overly critical “mother” inside. One of the ways is not to say what you are doing to yourself, and suddenly “she” does not notice. Do something "on the sly".

Every person needs a strong and caring support within. That inner parental figure that would allow you to fully take care of yourself and be a good parent to your children

But, unfortunately, many still need to grow this strong maternal image inside in order to find their own protection and support.

To have the opportunity to rely on yourself.