What Prevents You From Complimenting Your Loved Ones?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When we grow up, we broadcast to the world what we learned in childhood. It is very difficult to say kind, pleasant words to someone if you haven’t heard them in childhood. You don't feel worthy of these words. And if you do not accept something for yourself, how can you convey it to another? We can only share what we ourselves have. A person who is confident in his own worth easily transfers this value to another. Words of admiration and gratitude are pronounced easily and naturally when we say what we really feel, accept the truth of our words, are convinced that “this is possible, so right”,

Practical example

At the consultation, an adult man, we have known each other for a long time, Vadim comes to consultations from time to time, "upon request." - My wife really wants me to say sweet words and compliments to her. I love my wife, but I cannot tell her something pleasant, as if my tongue was going numb. - What figure is coming in now? - Four. - Sculpt yourself at the age of four. - How does this boy feel? - Badly. He feels lonely and unnecessary. He never heard kind words from his parents. And I haven't heard from other people either. - Do I understand correctly that this is why Vadim cannot even say "kind words"? - Yes, he does not believe in these words. - Yes, it is difficult to believe in what you have never heard and do not believe. I see that the boy's head is white. What associations does white cause? - White - something light, good. He really wanted to be good and loved. - This is a very understandable and natural desire. It’s hard to believe that you’re good when you don’t feel parental love. A child's self-esteem depends on the attitude of adults towards him. The boy has no face. What does this mean? - No face, because there is no childhood. His childhood is about survival, a constant fear that he has learned to cover up with bravado. Sometimes aggression. I went in for sports so that there was always an opportunity to rebuff offenders. He overcame himself. In the schoolbag there were always certificates of merit. I didn’t show it to anyone, but as if these letters gave me self-confidence. - What associations does the turquoise color evoke? - The sea. My father was at sea for six months. This is his job. The mother drank and walked at this time, however, when the father returned, they drank together. My father doubted that I was his son. I accepted my paternity only when I went to school. When it was impossible to deny our obvious physical resemblance. - Vadik's arms are spread out in different directions. What do the boy's hands want? - So that the parents hug, hugged. Unreal desire. - And the legs are red. What associations arise? - Blood, wound. I remembered how I fell and injured my kneecap. Blood poisoning began. I ended up in the hospital, heard that the surgeon was planning to amputate my leg. I ran home at night. I often ran away in situations where it was especially uncomfortable. The legs decided long ago: "We must not trust, but run away." I ran away from kindergarten. There I was often punished. The teacher poured semolina porridge over my collar, which I did not want to eat, punished me for fights. In a leg situation, my mother heard me, found another hospital. I had an operation and my leg was saved. - What happens if little Vadik has a face? Vadim picks out his face with a pencil lead.

- He smiles. I'm glad I was born. - Great, this is very important. I see that the boy has no neck. What does this mean? - I pulled my head in so as not to be nailed. - Yes, it was not easy for him. What do you think, Vadim, why does a man need a neck? - To turn your head. And he doesn't want to look back into the past. - But, in the past it was not only bad, right? - Of course, there was good. In the past, I learned to stand up for myself, achieve my goals, and I learned a lot more. As it turned out, there were moments when my mother Heard. - Symbolically, the neck is considered a conductor between the head - minds and feelings - the body. - Yes, they did. I want a connection between mind and feelings. I'll give him a neck.

- How does Vadim feel with his neck? - Very well. I became taller, more mature. - What can an adult Vadim say to a little one now? - You are a happy person, no matter what. You have dealt with many difficulties in life. Now you have me. And together it is much easier for us. You always smiled, no matter how difficult it was. You are agile, strong, you know how to achieve your goals. I love you. - How does little Vadim feel? - He calms down. Wow, I never thought that analyzing a sculpted man, you can learn so much about yourself. It turns out that everything matters: the color of the plasticine, what he sculpted, and what he “forgot”. I do not remember that I have ever experienced so many feelings as when talking with little Vadik. Now I really feel relieved, as if I had the RIGHT to be who I am. I would like to share this joy with others, to tell other people something good. Despite the seeming simplicity of the work done, Vadim managed to do a lot, namely, to show his feelings and meet with the Inner traumatized child. He received an experience in therapy that was not there in childhood, having learned to give himself the necessary resources, to take care of to myself, be in love myself … It takes time for the words he uttered to the Inner Child to become for Vadim his inner experience. So that he can easily pronounce them to another person. When the Inner Child hears words of support and admiration and accepts them, the Adult has the opportunity to share the resources received with other people. When there is a lot of love inside, it can be generously distributed to everyone around: beloved woman, children, relatives, friends and just others. "No pity. Get it!"