2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Borders are a very important part of our life. Boundaries are formed if a person is clearly aware of his desires, knows what to do, what to eat, how to dress, and so on. If he can defend his desires, which means saying "no", being uncomfortable for others, withstanding someone else's discontent. Boundaries are violated if we put other people's interests above our own, allow ourselves to be disrespectful. And even if on a conscious level we convince ourselves that everything is normal, the body shows through the symptoms that something is “wrong”. Sleep disturbance is one of the symptoms of a security breach in a person's life. Practical example. The client's consent to the publication has been received, the name has been changed. In the life of Lisa - the heroine of the article Why does a woman need breasts? To seduce a man or feed a child? an important event happened, she went to work in the office. The young woman only works three days a week. But, going to work is accompanied by sleep disturbances in a woman. Before the working day, Lisa wakes up "in the middle of the night" and can no longer fall asleep. The anxiety that prevents Lisa from sleeping peacefully is similar to dark gray mercury. She is in her chest. At my request, Lisa "took the image" outside of her body. This feeling of anxiety first appeared when a five-year-old baby witnessed a scandal between her parents. My father was jealous of my mother for a colleague - a man to whom she "smiled too openly." The drunken father insulted my mother and “opened his hands”. Lisa guessed to "pretend" that she fainted in order to divert the attention of her parents to herself. - I understood. I am afraid that my husband will repeat his father's behavior. He is already jealous of me "for every pillar", without the slightest reason. Now, when I went to work, it is natural that I began to communicate with different people. And with men as well. My husband doesn't like it when I talk to men. He constantly dictates to me how to dress, he would be glad to put on a burqa on me. Recently he tore a dress on me that seemed too revealing to him. - What does mercury want? - She wants me to defend my boundaries. - What do your "boundaries" look like? - This is a fence made of boards, between which there are huge gaps. The wicket does not close.
- How did your mother set boundaries in her relationship with her father? - I have never seen my mother set boundaries in relations with my father, refuse him something. And I don't know how to say no. It happened that my husband twisted my arms, literally, not figuratively, and I reassured myself: "I didn't break anything." - What prevented mom from setting boundaries? - Fear interfered: "Suddenly the husband will leave." And she will be left alone. - Why is it scary to be alone? - Alone, you will have to look inside yourself and see a sea of pain. “Let your mom show all her feelings. After the image of the mother received permission to express feelings, "mother" began to destroy everything around. So much anger has accumulated in her. Then she sat down and cried: “I thought that everyone around was to blame for my problems. It turns out that I myself …”Lisa allowed the image of her mother to set boundaries with her father, and the long-forgotten habit of saying“No”returned to her mother. - I allow myself to communicate with different people. And I think that you have no reason not to trust me. I will not allow you to raise your voice to me, - said my mother. My father lost his "speech power" from surprise.
But there was respect for his wife. And even the desire to apologize to her. It turned out that it is pleasant when there is a woman nearby who appreciates herself and can defend her boundaries. Observing the “new” parental relationships, Lisa acquired permission and a model of new behavior for herself.
As Lisa's state changed, the dark gray mercury image turned into a cloud. Lisa returned the cloud to her body, to where the mercury used to be. Five-year-old Liza is on the cloud. The girl really liked the changes she witnessed.
When we learn to set boundaries, it can seem very difficult at first. But, as the skills develop, each time it becomes a little easier to say "no". Of course, we can meet with the fact that the partner does not want to have a person next to him who has his own opinion, his own value. But do we need SUCH a partner?
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