When Imperfection Equals Death

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of the cases of wounded narcissism.

Child:

• fear of making a mistake, reaching mortal horror (and fear of acting as a consequence),
• the desire to do everything perfectly (and fear to act as a result),
• morale lvl 80 (and fear to act as a consequence),
• harsh condemnation and rejection of those who act, do imperfect and make mistakes, go beyond the bounds of morality 80 lvl and enjoy life,
• fear of an authoritative figure and idealization of this very figure (anyone who has a higher social status or other "parental" characteristics can be appointed to the role of this figure).

It seems that behind all this is an unconscious fear of losing parental love. But not only that.

Parent: considers the child to be his continuation, one of the ways to declare himself in the world; and to declare oneself in the world “only needs to be perfect”, so the child must be ideal, “and in general - we are good, while others are bad”.

Progenitor: all of the above, because, for example, communism, socialism or some other ideology in a cultural and historical context ("Our country is great and the best in the world, our man is beautiful and ideal, we just shoot imperfect ones, and other countries - Fu Fu Fu").

And then the worst thing in this case. The parent refuses to see the imperfection in the child. At all. Completely. “Your girl hit our boy” - “My girl? Yes, it cannot be! You are lying blatantly! This is not child protection. And the mother does not understand what is happening to her girl, she simply denies it, because her ideal daughter cannot fight. Even if she sees with her own eyes how her girl beats the neighbor's boy, she will not perceive it as reality.

And where the mother does not see the child, the child does not seem to exist there. Losing parental love for a child is already like death. And then they broadcast to him that he does not exist as he is. And he exists only like this - and they give him the requirements for an ideal image. Over time, the child begins to believe in this false idealized self-image. And his real self is more and more blocked. Together with his vitality and real talents, abilities and capabilities. If a child was scolded for mistakes, then for him beyond the false ideal I - shame. And for a child who was simply not seen and perceived outside the idealized image, outside the false ideal I - Death. Therefore, it is imperfect to do something with a mistake - it is impossible - there begins the space of death. That is why the mother cannot see and perceive the imperfection of her child (and her own) - for her it is death.