2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I really love the phrase "no one owes anything to anyone." For me, this is the pinnacle of full-fledged adult relationships. Don't be in a hurry to throw stones at me. I'll explain everything now.
I decipher the phrase "no one owes anything to anyone" as "everything you do, you do for yourself - because you wanted to (decided)." Of course, we all have obligations to our loved ones and partners. We owe children, parents and those who count on us. But "should" again from the position "I do this because it is important to me."
It's no secret that relationships are work. Sometimes it is really hard work that cannot be “paused”. There is only one way out - to make this work so beloved that it is not required to rest from it. Relationships that inspire and provide an opportunity for development, I want to support with all my might. People, goals and objectives change, and trusting partnerships - like a happily chosen profession - does not need to be changed.
Yes, in any unions, in addition to passion, love and entertainment, there are mutual obligations, but if they are not tortured, then these obligations can be a joy. And when one partner constantly pulls the other on a leash woven from "must", then it is in this format that the thought of fatigue arises and, consequently, the desire to "escape".
I am often asked, “How do you get control of your life? Everyone is constantly demanding something from me, I owe everyone something. I don't like answering a question with a question, but in this case it is necessary. And what did you think when you took on these obligations, let these people into your life, took responsibility for these actions?
1) If you say that you made this decision consciously, then you are doing it for yourself. It is important for you to control, protect, solve problems, keep your finger on the pulse. It's not about "them" - it's about you and your choice.
2) If you say that these people and events "fell" on your head by accident, then let me doubt it. In everything that happens to us, there is a share of our responsibility. It is you who did not close the door in time, gave slack, got scared, or turned the other cheek.
Anticipating the reaction of readers, I will explain. No, this is not "samavinovat". I'm not talking about the events when a person became a victim of violence, suffered from a flood or a fallen tree. Events occur in my world that are beyond my control. And I am not inclined to explain all diseases by psychosomatics, and natural disasters - by negative thinking.
I mean those situations when we refuse to take responsibility for our lives and our actions, preferring to explain everything from the standpoint of a passive observer. I do not like to talk about problems in a wordy manner. I love solving them. If something happens in your life, then this is your area of responsibility. And, if you do something for someone, this is your decision. No one owes anything to anyone - except himself.
For me, the culmination of mature adult relationships is when two people “owe” each other not because of coercion and not because “it happened”, but because both made a conscious joint decision to take on mutual obligations. Isn't it true that in this case the word "debt" takes on a completely different connotation?
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