2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Over the past week, I've been thinking a lot about the projection of relationships with parents on how relationships with superiors develop in adulthood.
How badly a person finds himself in the same situation with his boss (man or woman), in which he was in the parental family!
This is just amazing!
For example, such a case. By her 30-plus years, the girl has changed more than one job, and everywhere enters into the same relationships with different leaders: at first she behaves modestly, does everything that is asked; discontent gradually builds up inside, following emotional burnout … then there is a conflict “I am not appreciated” with the subsequent dismissal … Then - a crisis and new searches. The last such breakdown at work led the client to almost complete social isolation.
Such a desperate situation "I cannot alone, I cannot organize my own activities, freelancing does not bring the desired income" - "at work they will again use me, crush, not appreciate, again I will have to grovel, fight, conflict - I am not ready for this" …..
This is how loneliness happens, contacts are lost … because it is impossible to be alone in the world, and it is very, very difficult to enter into a new relationship in this state, sometimes it is simply unbearable …
The paradox, of course, is that we always find ourselves those relationships that we are aimed at inside ourselves … We always look for those people in the vast world with whom we can repeat over and over again, play the situation of violence, helplessness and passive / active anger against injustice familiar from childhood, which for some reason never ends … It is, after all, only situationally addressed to the boss. And inside, it is often a protest from deep childhood … Because for some reason we have organized such a working relationship for ourselves.
In general, when we talk about the crisis of 30 years, then one of the important tasks of this period is separation from the parental family. Moreover, many at this age have been living separately for a long time and do not quite understand why so much attention is paid to this … But after all, even without living with your parents, you can be captive to their rules, their views on life and on us … wish their support in everything. To be in fusion … All these processes take up a huge amount of space in the psyche …
So we find a replacement for the parent figure in our bosses or in a partner. Unconsciously we repeat the old conflict, wanting to separate and become their own masters, to prove something … Sometimes to take revenge or win … On the other hand, we try to get their praise and a good assessment. Support and care. Such an ambush turns out! … … With which sometimes it is almost impossible to figure it out on your own.
Because here it is necessary to experience the experience of a different communication, a different relationship. Which afterwards will allow you to build your boundaries in a new way, find yourself other bosses (if necessary), build working cooperation in a different way, because there will no longer be a need for painful experience and defending yourself …
How do you know if the separation from your parents was successful?
When you suddenly stop filling your life with parental assessments, acceptance and attitude towards yourself, and you find support in yourself.
You begin to build your life according to your own rules, giving your parents the right to live differently, in their own way, without being hurt by these methods …
I wonder if share your opinion!
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