2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
1. History and memory of millennia
There is such a category of very clever people in the world (you will not see each other if I say that these are men?), Who tear the shirt on their chest convincing women that there was no institution of marriage before. Basically, such smart uncles can be found in pagan communities (fortunately, not all), in Osho communities (where love free from clichés is promoted), etc. Here is love, they say, it is an unconditional thing, there is nothing to stuff us with clichés!
And I remember the scriptures … Bhagavad-gita, Mahabharata … In ancient India there was such a thing as "Svayamvara". An unmarried woman of good origin arranged a duel between the men of the Kshatriya caste, in order to tempt them with various competitions and choose the most agile, strong and worthy husband for herself. After the svayamvara, the woman was already considered engaged, but not married. A little later, a wedding was played, or rather, a wedding. Before him, the couple performed purification rituals, puja, consulted with an astrologer, and only then got married. The wedding, by the way, also took place ritualized, with offerings to deities, etc.
Modern researchers say that ancient India (then communicating in Sanskrit) one to one copies the customs and life of ancient Russia, where the pagan wedding ceremony was also a prerequisite (clever people spilled saliva into the monitor). Yes, this has not been proven. However, the very fact that with the advent of Orthodoxy, people happily took up the rite of Christian wedding, says something. Agree, if in pagan Russia they did not get married, then Christian weddings would not have been accepted with due enthusiasm and would have taken root for centuries.
Our grandparents have already got married in the registry office. But as you remember, they appeared with the advent of Soviet power. Before that, people got married, and the act of the wedding was kept in the church no worse than the one written on paper, a church certificate was issued.
The memory of generations, ancestral memory is not a joke or a newfangled joke, it is a really working thing. We want to be married because our ancestors wanted it. Because the women of our family were married (there were no special civil marriages then). Because for thousands of years, people have chosen each other precisely through a ceremony, and not just in words.
2. By the way, about words
The second reason for a woman's desire to be married is the desire to see deeds, not words.
Calling each other husband and wife does not require much intelligence. You, reading these lines now, want to be my husband? Well, if yes, then come on. That's it, you're my husband.
Funny, is not it?
And the trick is that many modern women find themselves in these conditions. Two moved together in one apartment, called each other in words husband and wife and good. No, nobody really feels good. It only seems that women love with their ears. In fact, a woman expects from a man an act that confirms his love. By this act, he will tell her: "Darling, I make a choice when I take you to the registry office. I choose you, and only you."
Today women's trainers say: "In a civil marriage, a woman suffers, but a husband is happy with everything." I am strongly convinced that both suffer. The woman because she was not offered to become the only one, the man - because he has not yet met this one. Because the one with whom he has been living for years is clearly not the one he will drag to the registry office. As you know, there are a million such examples: with one I lived for 7 years without marriage, and the other I met at the age of 8, and a month later I ran with her to the registry office.
3 social pressure
Quite an obvious factor in getting married. Until society crushes, many will not rush there. As soon as it comes to 30, it starts from all sides: "She is not married yet? Oooh, something is wrong with her!".
I remember the Soviet era. My grandmother got married in 1952. Can you imagine this time, right? She was then 31 years old. So, until the 31st, she paid the state tax for celibacy. It was very high, the grandmother, with a creak, gave part of her salary (about 20%) only for the fact that she was not married. And if then the pressure was state, now it has become social. In fact, nothing has changed. Only the state pressure is somehow nicer to me personally. Because it is open and honest. And the whispering behind her back like: "She's 30 and why won't she marry?" I personally interrupt if someone is spoken about in front of me.
So the girls jump out at least for someone in their 30s, so long as society does not condemn, they do not whisper behind their backs and my mother slept soundly at night. And surprisingly, many such marriages withstand the most severe family crises that even those who married for love do not go through. I know why, but can you guess?
4. Happiest day
What can we hide, a wedding is a wonderful day. And every girl, woman, lady dreams of a beautiful photo shoot, a flowing white dress, a groom in a beautiful suit. Our first such formation takes place at the prom, when we put on beautiful fluffy dresses and become real princesses (though anyone like that, I was at my ball in trousers and do not regret it at all). The next stage of the princess's exit is her own wedding. Indeed, those who have gone through this day know what a wonderful feeling it is when everyone admires you: grannies on benches, little children, your relatives, your future husband. Everyone's eyes are in shock from your beauty.
Just recently I was at the wedding of a close friend. I was stunned, we have been friends with her since school, but I have never seen her so beautiful … Still, brides have a special attractive energy, so very pure, very happy, very touching. The photographer says to me, I remember: "Well, hug your friend tightly!", And I'm afraid - she's a bride, so fragile, you're even afraid to touch! Many girls want such a happy day, and that's okay.
5. Desire to be a mom
For many women (but not all), the desire to be married is associated with the desire to be a mother. I once watched a TV show about star marriages. I don't remember who they were talking about, I only remember the man's story about his wife. When she became pregnant, the couple lived in cohabitation. The girl was modest and did not insist on registration, but during the whole pregnancy something strange happened to her. From general depression to unstable bearing. As a result, the man realized only at the 7th month of pregnancy that his girlfriend just wanted to get married! And why? And because for a woman in the position of a mother, it is imperative to be a wife morally. To know that she is not just a wife, but her child is growing up next to the official dad. What about the star couple: they got married and for the remaining two months the woman did not know any problems with bearing.
Just recently, one of the clever people tried to prove to me that marriage spoils relations, and free cohabitation is useful in every sense and this does not affect children in any way. And I told him a real case from my life. My friends have a 14-year-old daughter, who is brought up by her parents-cohabitants. Until 14, she did not know that her parents were not scheduled. And at 14 someone told her this in between times. At first, the girl seemed to take it normally, but after a week or two she began to have strong breakdowns. The fact is that the girl interviewed those classmates who have complete families, where mom and dad live together. It turned out that the parents of her classmates were officially scheduled. The girl drugged herself so much that she thundered into the neurological department. The parents had to sign to stabilize the child's condition.
6. Everything I have achieved
It only seems to us that taking stock of our successes is masculine energy and masculine quality. Women do it too, only in their own way. And one of their main results: whether I became a mother and a wife. I am deeply convinced that the inner happiness of a woman always makes a projection onto the personal. Whether she is successful at work, is she a good hostess, is she excellent at drawing - she will always evaluate this through personal happiness. If she is lonely, but at the same time has done well as an artist, her inner level of happiness will not be high. But if she took place as a wife, a mother, but did not become an artist, she will survive it easier and can be 100% happy. Therefore, to be married is also to overcome a certain personal level, moreover, not the very last one in life.
7. My amulet and my protection
In a right marriage, a woman feels safe. It is often said that in a relationship m + f it is a woman who is the guardian, but they are deceiving. A man is a female amulet, from the word protect. Yes, in Muslim states, women are much more flourishing and carefree, because they do not know the concept of fear at all. Before marriage, they are obliged to remain under the patronage of their father or older brothers, after marriage - under the patronage of their husband. In Muslim countries, the statistics of female robbery and rape are negligible, and nevertheless, a woman always feels safe being around men. In Russia, a woman can remain alone for years, being still unmarried and having already left her father's home. And all her financial, moral, psychological difficulties will be exclusively on her.
Before and until now, looking at women who earn a lot, I was amazed: this is a businesswoman, this is the will to win! Because she herself never turned over money and always considered it a man's duty. And I still don't see myself in the role of an earning wad of money. I have always been aware that I want my husband's patronage, not only physical, but also material. And the majority understands this! Few women manage to plow like a horse and defend their interests in front of this huge world. The rest of the women need a strong shoulder that can cover and put to sleep next to them, sheltering from all adversity. Therefore, marriage is the best form of life for a woman: a sense of security, material protection, the protective principle of a man. Of course, on condition of a normal marriage and a normal distribution of roles in marriage.
I remember when I watched "Mahabharata" for the first time and my beloved Draupadi married five men at the same time, many of my comrades (especially women) had their hair on end on their heads. And they said: "Well, no, I would rather live alone in the place of Draupadi than to be the wife of 5 husbands."
But these five husbands unleashed a whole war for her humiliation, did not spare millions of human souls for the honor of one woman - their wife. So my hair on my head didn't stand on end: it's better to be behind five men than to cope with everything alone. At least today, in a world where everything is too unstable and where a person can at any second be in the face of danger. Let's be HUSBAND, girls! Let's strive for this.
And never be shy that you want to be married. There are enough arguments for this.
With love, your Ksenia Yesena.
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