About The Environmental Friendliness Of Lies

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I often meet with the opinion that lying is bad, therefore, in order not to deceive people, it is better not to lie, but simply not to tell the inconvenient part of the truth. It seems to me that this approach can be many times more toxic than the usual lies.

If a person does not have a high level of trust in a relationship and he begins to lie so as not to start a conflict that will complicate the situation, he can lie and this will be quite environmentally friendly for himself, because it does not change the content of the relationship, affecting only the form of self-designation.

Well, for example, too lazy to go to a party or the birthday of a distant nodding friend. And if you call and say "you know, Vasya, it just breaks me to go to you, I'd better watch a movie" this is a very powerful throw-in, unlike the polite and socially acceptable "Vasily, it's a pity that I can't come to you, but it's very bad I feel myself ".

In form, this is pure lies. But does this form change the content of the relationship? Does it poison them? The honest truth can make both uncomfortable and unpleasant. But such a lie looks more like politeness for me, which simplifies a lot of things and helps to relieve tension in society.

It's another matter if some context is deliberately hidden that can significantly affect the relationship partner.

Here is a man proudly informs his mistress that he never lies to anyone. And it can be pure truth in form.

But if he is silent about the fact of his marriage, and for his partner this is a decisive context, can we say that such a truth (and in fact, hiding his own lies) is environmentally friendly? And is it appropriate to call it the truth and even more honesty?

In my opinion, this is a deception, that is, an attempt to hide something. Something that will greatly affect the Other.

And in this context, “I never lie” sounds, relying on the inspired conviction “to lie is bad,” but not on reality, which is much broader than the suggested beliefs.

But the most important thing for me in this place is that the toxicity of this approach is that there is an attempt to manage the situation, but not to take responsibility.

That is, to steer the situation for the better, ignoring respect for the partner, and in case of exposure, refer to the argument, they say, "Well, I didn’t lie, there is no need to blame me. It’s my own fault, I didn’t ask."

On the other hand, hiding the truth may be more environmentally friendly than the truth itself.

For example, the sister of one woman, who was in the hospital while maintaining a pregnancy triggered by stress, concealed the death of their sick father, taking responsibility for this act. That is, it is easier to share such grief with your sister than to protect her from such news, so as not to complicate the situation. Lies? In form, yes. Is it environmentally friendly? For my taste, yes.

In general, I think any toxicity in a relationship always starts with an imbalance, to summarize this schema.

An imbalance, which is organized by the fact that a person wants power over the situation, but does not want to disentangle the consequences of his actions at all. And he wants to turn everything so that it would be as he needs, and the consequences would be disentangled by another, suddenly finding himself in a completely different reality than before.

And such toxicity with such a scheme applies to all types of relationships, not only partnerships, male-female, family and friendships.

This also works in business (I remember the shareholder of my company, who tried to push his interests behind my back, bypassing me, but at the same time, did not want to bear legal responsibility at all, because it is very convenient to steer the office behind the director's back so that if something happens answered the director. And there were three such stories in the history of my short-term directorship, from which I disowned by a great miracle and thanks to luck).

The same law applies to the relations of any government with the people - to turn things around, hiding inconvenient contexts, controlling the media and attributing all the achievements to the "people", "patriotism" and to this all that has been hammered into the head since childhood as "this is good", regardless of the surrounding contexts, this toxic mechanism will work.

And those who benefit from it will appeal with terms such as "I did not lie about anything" and something like that, masking their poisonous manifestations in a form that can be easily called "correct" on the machine and, as a result, fail this is just the suggested "it is my own fault", implying that it was possible to somehow control it, instead of admitting that there was violence.

And here comes another important topic - the prohibition, and as a result, shame if you have not coped with something. And here, too, the context is ignored, that it was impossible to cope with this. It so happens - that they play on trust. And they are used by those people from whom you do not expect this at all. It really hurts the soul, but it happens. And the only way to protect yourself from this is to trust no one. But then toxicity is already produced from within oneself - from the "stuffiness of the air" of one's soul, which ceases to breathe and live.

And, incidentally, this is a completely different, no less interesting topic, but for another post.

UPD: After reading the comments, it is important for me to emphasize this: my focus in this article is on environmental friendliness. And I was trying to say that lies can be environmentally friendly, just as truth can be toxic. And it is not the form that determines this (for example, "I ALWAYS want to know where my partner is, what he thought, did, why he did not come, etc.) partner's intimate space as something dangerous if he does not let in there) "), environmental friendliness in a relationship defines a context that cannot be attached to any rigid form (for example," I always want to know the truth "," I never accept lies because of politeness, it is better to dump everything at once in the forehead, even if this is my boss and after this truth, both will find themselves in a difficult situation ").

This is what I am talking about - that as long as there are rigid attachments to forms, and not focusing on awareness of "what is happening in this particular context," it will be easy to play with a person, manipulate him, chasing him after a form like a kitten after a bow.