WHY IS IT SOMETIMES NOT WORTH TALKING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

You can, for example, meet with another person and say, "You ruined my whole life." And somehow it will become easier.

You can choose another way - go to a special room, put on glasses, imagine the person to whom the feeling is addressed, and break the set of dishes. It will also feel better.

The key word is easier. But at this moment you are not approaching the satisfaction of the need, you are just getting rid of the tension that you have.

Reacting is good, but not the final way

The main defect is that you are not aware of a large part of your life.

Experiencing is a complex complex process in which you use the full value of the feeling that arises in a given situation.

So what do you do?

Instead of throwing the feeling into contact, try asking yourself the question: “Feeling fear, what do I want at this moment? What do I want to say to this person? What do I even want to get out of this situation?"

Without letting the feeling come into contact and discharge, the person is again in a state. This means that the need cannot be fulfilled in the way that he knows.

But being frustrated is helpful. If there was no frustration, there would be no feelings. If all your needs in childhood were satisfied at the moment that they arose, you would never develop mentally. There is no need for thinking and feeling when there is no frustration.

The moment you become aware of the feeling, but do not let it discharge in direct contact, you have the opportunity to answer the question "what do I want?"

But what about the boundaries?

They say that children are spontaneous, open and healthy. This is what we strive for in psychotherapy. The process of socialization kills spontaneity, on the one hand, but on the other hand, the child has boundaries. If boundaries do not appear, such people at the age of 20-40 are called psychopaths or sociopaths.

Imagine that your 40-year-old husband behaves like a 1-year-old child. Will you live with him?

Borders are needed. In the place where the limitations of children appear, feelings arise. If all your needs are met naturally, feelings will not arise. But just when you want something and you are stopped in this place, you start to get angry, frightened, afraid, you feel ashamed.

And this is the solution

Stop and ask yourself the question “what do I want”.

For example, you feel jealous of a certain person. If you just throw “I envy” into contact, it becomes easier. But you will not know what exactly you are jealous of. What exactly do you want that this person symbolically possesses?

But this is the zone where your need is

It is important not only and not so much to say about the feeling, but to notice what happens to you at the moment when you feel. What do you want, how do you feel about it.

When you are angry with a person, but you cannot tell him about it, you can ask yourself where your anger comes from. And notice the shame. This connection is key - not to talk about anger, because it is a shame. Ashamed why? You may find yourself betraying some of your value. Or you need the recognition of this person, but if you speak about anger, he will turn around and leave.

This is much more important for development than just the response of the senses.

Every time you notice a feeling in your heart - do not rush, ask yourself questions.

Your life will get complicated, but you will gain access to what you were hiding from yourself. This is the method called.