2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Have you ever felt sincere regret for yourself? As a result of a really serious disaster in your life, some kind of unexpected trouble, or just at the end of an "unlucky" day?
If so, what were you doing when you had this feeling? Allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself, even cry? Or did they forbid themselves to do this, scolded themselves for their "unpopular" experiences? Like, "what's the use?"
I propose to think, and what is “feeling sorry for yourself”? What is the function of this mechanism?
In my opinion, this is only one of the ways, tools that can help to experience, cope with negative, unpleasant emotions, feelings and experiences that arise as a reaction to certain events in the external or internal world.
When I say "tool," I mean a means, a method in the broadest sense of the word, which can be used for a specific purpose.
For example, with the help of a knife as a tool, you can cook delicious food, with careless handling, you can accidentally get hurt, with the help of the same knife, murders are sometimes committed.
That is, a knife is just a tool. This is not to say that a knife is good or bad. It all depends only on the purpose for which it is used, how to use it and whether we have the skills to safely handle it.
Pitying yourself is also a tool. And like any tool, it can be used effectively or ineffectively, with benefit or harm
In my opinion, in this case, we can talk about two main criteria of benefit / harm and effectiveness / inefficiency:
- Figuratively speaking, a person has only one screwdriver (feel sorry for himself), or a whole suitcase of various tools (feel sorry for yourself, talk to a friend, start immediately solving a problem, hit work, go on an unscheduled vacation, start a diary, start reading a book, get a dog, jump with a parachute, go to a psychotherapist, or a million more options) for difficult life situations of varying degrees of complexity …
- What happens after self-pity? Anger and another conviction that "I am the victim, and the world is threatening and hostile"? Or after a sincere and generous splash of emotions in the form of tears and snot, the same tears and snot should be wiped away, the relief of unpleasant, painful emotions, the improvement of the emotional background, the clarification of the mind, an encouraging pat on the shoulder, and then - rolling up the sleeves in order to apply some real actions to improve the life situation, which led us to the same emotions, if possible, or attempts to accept a situation that we cannot influence in any way.
At times, feeling sorry for ourselves in a difficult situation, we can release, respond to emotions, clarify the mind, after which it can be much easier to solve the problem or accept the situation
However, I do not recommend to abuse, because the habit of feeling sorry for yourself every time can lead to the development of the so-called "victim position"
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