Loneliness As A Choice

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Loneliness as a choice - how to deal with such a state? How does psychology relate to this? Are there any hidden nuances and what?

Many people are quite comfortable with this lifestyle. If a person has made a conscious decision to live in complete isolation or without a partner, this is his choice, the main thing is that he feels good. In the context of the situation, there are also positive aspects for the psyche and soul. However, if you thoroughly delve into the issue, you can consider some important nuances that at first glance elude attention. What are they?

The first situation - a person is isolated from others completely (closes and sits at home). The reasons for this behavior can be different - shame, fear, etc. (as for guilt, this feeling is not so toxic as to close a person from others, but in some cases it can be). The dynamics of isolation is different. What does this mean? A person, being in a state of passion, cannot cope with the feelings that have taken possession of him and closes himself in his apartment

In reality, the situation is very difficult, ambiguous and sad - a person is a social being, so he wants attention from other people, wants to mirror, needs communication. Such desires are the norm, another thing is if all this is impossible to do for some reason. Over time, the mere awareness of the depth of the problem gives a person painful sensations. Why? We are all arranged in such a way that all the problems that bother us that have not been thrown out, roll like a snowball, provoking auto-aggressive behavior (up to injuring ourselves - cuts, beatings and even suicide!). This is precisely why this situation is dangerous!

There are many examples when people chose complete isolation from society. Probably the most obvious is hermitage (ascetic renunciation for various convictions from ordinary life, the maximum limitation of ties with the outside world in order to achieve spiritual goals). According to the monks, this is a real test of loneliness, the only way they can find their core. How long do they spend in this state? From several months to several years, but they are not closed off from society forever.

If we talk about loneliness as a choice (meaning forever), complete isolation from people is dangerous.

The second situation is loneliness in the sense of the absence of a partner, partnership, marriage, etc. In theory, this is a perfectly acceptable choice - there are friends, some kind of entertainment, a person attends events that are significant for him. As a result, he is quite happy with the current situation - he is in society, communicates and expresses himself, and that's enough

However, many questions arise - why is it difficult for a person to be in a relationship, what does he refuse, what needs with such a choice remain unmet? Everyone, in one way or another, strives for love and romance, care and attention, so these needs will still be present in the background, you cannot completely “kill” the “worm” inside yourself that requires ordinary human feelings.

Typically, in 95% of cases, people who choose this lifestyle (without a partner) have a deep wound. In the first considered situation, one can speak of a severe mental injury, to the extent that the borderline personality organization may even be psychopathic. In the context of the second situation, a person who has experienced several traumas in adulthood while in a partnership; childhood traumas in relationships with the mother's figure (dissatisfaction with communication, cold or rejecting mother). As a result, meeting in adulthood partners with a similar type of character, a person makes a decision: “That's it, I will sit at home myself. I'm fine as it is!.

Such a line of behavior is not uncommon among creative personalities. Prominent examples are Arthur Schopenhauer and Sigmund Freud. However, there are individuals who are still lonely in partnerships.

Regardless of the fact that for a person such a path can be with the least injuries, in general, you should work on the problem and at least figure out why the relationship does not develop. Why should you pay special attention to this? In general, we all live in order to develop our soul. But where exactly the peak of this development, in what place it will become better, is up to each of us to decide, but there must be an immediate inner need. Relationships are a direct indicator of where our soul needs to grow, where a stop has occurred. And now this tipping point must be experienced in adulthood. As a rule, all this lasts an order of magnitude longer than in childhood - in childhood, one period of the developmental step takes on average 1 to 3 three years, and in adults - up to 5-7 years, sometimes up to 10 years.

All this time, the body will show that something is not complete in the soul, there will be no feeling of inner peace, on the contrary, something unpleasant will rise in the mind.

In some religious areas of the Orthodox faith, men are not allowed to marry women to whom they feel very strong attraction and excitement, while completely losing their heads. Marriages are acceptable only between members of a religious community who relate to each other fairly evenly emotionally. If we consider the situation from the point of view of psychology, this is a departure from development, a kind of attempt to achieve an even state of mind, avoiding working out their traumas, avoiding suffering in general. In reality, in order for the soul to have a state of inner balance, one must plunge into the pool of these experiences. A woman who arouses a man so much that he loses his head can turn his idea of the world and his views on life in general upside down, thereby giving him a kick to development. Accordingly, a man, having received a powerful charge of energy and reworking the drive that attracts him, will become many times better. Of course, there is suffering behind the drive, in such a relationship there may not be harmony, but only after passing this path, the soul of a man will "rise", otherwise - trying to live evenly all his life, he will remain at an equal level. There are many studies confirming that this is the best way to develop the soul and psyche.

The question is, does a person need this development? It is up to each individual to decide - are you interested in living this way, are you satisfied with your work and personal life? Not all people agree to experience such an exciting and challenging adventure with a full range of emotions.

An important point - you need to choose what you need, you should not listen to anyone (This is right and wrong. This is good, and this is bad). Listen only to yourself. If loneliness is good, live that life. If at some stage of life this condition becomes painful, it is necessary to turn to psychotherapy and understand the depth of the mental problem. Why is that?

It is simply impossible to treat the addiction of loneliness on your own, you should definitely work in pairs. Isolation somehow leaves its mark, causing invisible mental trauma to a person. As a result, people who have chosen loneliness will not be able to trust a person “from the street”, a friend or a friend - they will still wait for a catch.

In a relationship with a psychotherapist, things are a little different. Of course, there is a period of mistrust, but gradually, step by step, awareness is formed, facilitating the person's contact with others.

In our time, loneliness is quite a fashionable trend. According to some studies, single people are more successful, devote maximum time and attention to work and career, self-actualize and achieve their goals. However, there is also a "fly in the ointment" - it is difficult for the soul to be alone, you need to share your experiences with someone.