2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the most confusing and excruciating areas of decision making is love choice.
Lida found herself at the crossroads of a choice between two men: on the one hand, Leonid was a boyfriend for life, with whom she was in love and with whom she had a child, and on the other, a charming and creative journalist, a passionate young man Pavel.
For two years Lidochka was tormented, unable to decide which of them suits her best. It was an ongoing debate in favor of one, then in favor of the other. The girl periodically tried to get away from one or the other, in order to understand which of the two she really needed. The result was always the same: Lidochka missed the one she left. She called him and renewed the relationship.
Unable to hide any longer, Lidochka was frank and told both men about her feelings for them. Both were upset, but were ready to wait for her decision, although they then showed their jealousy, which ultimately resulted in furious arguments.
Delegate a solution
Such situations are not common, but they are encountered in practice.
At the first consultation, I immediately indicate my position: "If you think that someone in this case will decide for you which of the two men suits you best, then write a letter with this request to Santa Claus."
It is important from the outset to avoid shifting decision-making to the “expert” because this strategy never works. In this case, Lidochka anticipated me, saying that she didn’t want me to give her the right advice, but to get help so that she could make the final decision on her own.
Another perspective
After listening to her story and analyzing unsuccessful attempts to resolve the dilemma, I offered a slightly different point of view:
- Have you ever thought that they should decide, not you?
She replied in surprise:
- What does it mean to let them decide?
“I don’t mean that they have to make a decision, but one of the two has to deserve love more than the other. It's like in medieval tournaments in which knights fight each other for the hand of the princess.
Lidochka answered, smiling:
- You mean I have to organize a duel between them?
“I mean, each of them complements you perfectly, so you can't give up on one. Therefore, it is important to find out which of them deserves your love more than the other.
“An interesting perspective” - said Lidochka: “So I should let them decide instead of choosing myself?”.
“Quite right,” I replied: “Moreover, you have to give your love to both in order to put them on an equal footing. This will allow you to see who wins the love duel."
- Have you ever thought that they should decide, not you?
She replied in surprise:
- What does it mean to let them decide?
“I don’t mean that they have to make a decision, but one of the two has to deserve love more than the other. It's like in medieval tournaments in which knights fight each other for the hand of the princess.
Lidochka answered, smiling:
- You mean I have to organize a duel between them?
“I mean, each of them complements you perfectly, so you can't give up on one. Therefore, it is important to find out which of them deserves your love more than the other.
"An interesting perspective" - said Lidochka: "So I should let them decide instead of choosing myself?"
“Quite right,” I replied: “Moreover, you have to give your love to both in order to put them on an equal footing. This will allow you to see who will win the love duel."
Two weeks later, she came for a consultation and looked serene and smiling. Lidochka told me that, finally, after a long time, she felt liberated from the torment associated with the need to choose between them. She managed to live well in both relationships at the same time. However, the girl was overcome by doubts whether this state would last for a long time: she found it convenient, and in the meantime, two men were waiting, full of attention and affection.
Explicit world
But in reality it was a seeming world. At the next session, almost a month later, Lidochka told me something completely different.
The charming and passionate creative Pavel could not stand it and attacked her, hit and insulted her. Lidochka suddenly saw a part of his personality that was unfamiliar to her. The girl was very frightened, and although she realized that she had drained Paul's patience precisely because of the serenity with which she lived two parallel stories, she could not come to terms with the violence she had endured, and especially with the emotional aggression that the man had demonstrated for the first time. That is why, despite his excuses and repeated attempts at reconciliation, Lidochka refused to see him.
Solution
Lidochka told me that now she felt a real physical and psychological rejection towards Paul. Something broke inside. Then she said that she understood the proposed strategy, namely: to put the two men in a situation of precarious balance and this led to the manifestation of the true nature of Paul, this frightened her and there was no more doubts about the choice.
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