Praise Addiction Or How To Get Praise From Yourself Every Day

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Believe me, the desire to please others is absolutely normal. Praise is a wonderful way to gain or show approval. But if you suddenly realize that you cannot live normally without it, this is an imbalance that will interfere for a very long time.

We want to be loved, praised, set as an example. If suddenly we see dissatisfied glances in our direction or hear negative comments, the mood deteriorates sharply, there is a desire to run away. Even if you clearly understand that it is not your fault, this does not cancel the inner discomfort. Someone can stand up for themselves, fight back. Some just don't react to such attacks. But "scars" remain, and then, with a new attack, not only new ones begin to hurt, but old ones also bleed.

In France, children are not praised for every good deed. Scientists conducted a study, and it turned out that such children are less dependent on further praise. In our country, the situation is diametrically opposite. Praise for almost every right step. What are the consequences? A child cannot objectively assess himself and his actions, he is used to receiving someone else's approval in the form of praise for everything. And so now he simply does not understand which of what he is doing is good and which is bad. And if there is no mentor nearby who will comment on his every action, he will not be able to cope with it on his own.

If a person regularly received praise from his parents, then from his spouse, he becomes dependent on it. And if suddenly the parents are no longer there, and family life ended in divorce, breaking comes. What will happen next? The search for praise is everywhere, attempts to earn it from almost any person, to stand out at school, work, so that he is noticed and praised for at least something.

I want to go back to the beginning, where I said that the desire for praise is the norm. Now I will list for you the signs when a simple desire turns into an obsessive one. And this is something worth working with.

Warning signs that “scream” that you need help.

1 - There are people who, hearing praise addressed to themselves, immediately devalue it. All this comes from the desire to get even more good words. The people call this behavior "running into a compliment."

2 - If suddenly such people are deprived of praise for a long time, they instantly have thoughts that no one loves them, no one needs them, and in general, life has failed.

3 - The so-called "friend zone". Most often girls speculate with it, although guys can also use this method. There are always fans around them, whom they do not let go of themselves, but they also do not take a step towards. Why is this needed? These are kind of vampires, and the fans are donors. You can always turn to them at any time and get a new dose of approval and praise.

4 - Another category of people who are afraid of praise. If God forbid you tell such a person that he is a fine fellow, he will immediately decide that he is being watched and evaluated literally every breath. Don't be surprised if, after your praise, this person avoids you. After all, now he will think that he should always meet this bar for praise, and this is difficult and stressful, it is better just not to be seen.

Praise care advice

First of all, admit to yourself that you need the praise. Next, think about how you can give it to yourself. Don't wait for someone else to do it for you. Praise yourself for the work done. Listen to your feelings: "Is it as great as when others praise me?" If not, then either this is not your job and should be changed, or this is exactly what you did not cope with and should be redone better.

Learn to praise yourself. If you do it regularly, and most importantly - sincerely, this behavior will fill you with positive and meaning. And if suddenly at some point you do not receive the expected praise from your boss, wife or children, you can compensate for this gap on your own.

Start journaling. This will help not only find balance, but also help to deal with many issues. Write on each page “why am I doing well today?”, Jot down at least 5 points, and re-read them in the evening. And praise yourself for doing good things that are directed at you personally and not at other people. “I slept 10 minutes more today, it helped me to be more alert all day. I spent two hours for myself, dreamed, did a manicure, read a book."

With children, it is a little more difficult, because you will need to guide not only the child, but also yourself. It is worth praising the baby, but before that ask him a question: "What do you think, how did you act in this situation?" Teach your child to evaluate their actions on their own. This will help him avoid depending on someone else's praise.

The ideal option is to take your own praise higher than someone else's. As a guideline, pick someone from a celebrity who lives outside the standard and doesn't listen to other people's opinions. Keanu Reeves is a good example. He wears simple clothes, eats calmly in fast foods, does not bother with the opinions of others, but they listen to him because he is confident in himself. When you trust your opinion, your praise will be your most precious gift.