How To Want To Want

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Where does desire go?

Low female libido is a common modern problem that has many causes. Constant lack of time, stress and fatigue are familiar to most women. Many of our emotions and desires are displaced by the fast pace of life to the level of the unconscious, where they often go unnoticed until they reach a critical value.

Self-doubt, dissatisfaction with one's appearance, monotony of relationships, routine, sex on schedule, mismatch of sexual temperaments and problems in relationships with a partner can also cause cooling in intimate relationships.

In addition, our society is characterized by a dichotomous approach to the issue of female libido - two contradictory extremes in sexual culture. On the one hand, female sex education is shaped by the echoes of the Soviet past: girls are taught from childhood to be restrained, not to show excessive attention and sympathy, to hide their sexuality, and to take a passive position in relationships. On the other hand, open female sexuality is widely cultivated in the mass media, where the body is the main tool for self-esteem and evaluation of others, which entails a boom in the beauty industry. Everyone wants to be beautiful, by any means. In this race for an ideal (imposed) image, a woman does not always have the strength and time to realize her own desires and understand her real self. Such pressure from society can cause a drop in self-esteem and go to the other extreme - a complete rejection of the manifestation of sexuality.

How to get back the lost fervor?

First of all, it is necessary to exclude purely physiological factors that can affect sexual activity. If the issue is resolved with physiology, and the problem is not in it, then it is worth looking for its root in our psyche.

There are several basic guidelines for increasing libido. The first is frankness - it is worth discussing your desires with your partner more and trying to add variety to intimate relationships. In couples where talking about sex is considered taboo, it is much more difficult to maintain a good intimate relationship. Playing at random not only makes the task of giving pleasure to your partner noticeably difficult, but it also significantly increases the level of anxiety and tension, which is an additional distraction. When conversations about sex become more frank, it’s much easier to make the process more enjoyable. An added bonus will be a decrease in personal responsibility for receiving pleasure and its distribution among all participants, which will reduce anxiety and allow you to relax even more.

There are cases where libidinal attraction in a permanent relationship can fade away from excessive intimacy. A mental mechanism is triggered that protects us from complete absorption by a partner. Constant affection and tenderness can suppress sexual appetite. Such relationships are more like friendships, and there is very little room for the inception of sexual tension. In this case, you need to try to look at your partner with new eyes, and see him as an independent free personality. So we accept that the partner is completely independent and, therefore, our relationship with him is not predetermined, and can unfold completely unpredictably. This poses some security risk, which is a prerequisite for maintaining interest and attraction in a couple.

It is important to pay more attention to your feelings, to learn to concentrate on the "here and now", not to be distracted from the process in moments of intimacy, to relax. Of course, it is very difficult to maintain an erotic desire if you constantly think about everything that is happening around and there is hardly time for sleep and food in your schedule. If this is about you - think about whether such a life brings you pleasure? The answer may surprise you a lot.

Finally, building self-esteem and building relationships with your partner will play an important role in bolstering your libido. Eroticism as a “healthy mind” that is born in a “healthy body”. When we feel confident and self-sufficient, love and respect ourselves, this greatly strengthens him. A person with low self-esteem can be loved, but it is much more difficult to feel sexual attraction towards him - there is not enough resistance and tension, which are important triggers of attraction.

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