2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I continue to read and study the book Good Enough by American psychotherapist Caryl McBride.
This book is for women growing up with narcissistic mothers. I read with a pencil)
I would like to write out many thoughts, here is one of them:
“If children cannot rely on their parents to meet their needs, they will not be able to develop a sense of security, learn to trust and feel confident in themselves. Trust is a colossal development problem. yourself safe in an intimate relationship."
Yes, it is parents who give us the first experience of dealing with our feelings. You need to be a very emotionally mature person who knows how to withstand the different feelings of the child and give him feedback.
If in your life as a child, parents expressed a lot of mistrust to you, criticized, compared with others, insulted, if you did not live up to expectations, then in adulthood, you will feel that you have no inner support.
A strong attachment to external opinion and a lack of confidence in yourself and sense of value will develop.
And all the time inside it is as if someone is telling you, "You are not good enough to be this and do such and such a thing."
From my own experience, I can say that getting rid of these feelings is not easy. And in the course of my own therapy and therapy with clients, I realized that there was no need to get rid of it.
On the contrary, you need to experience these feelings, only in the presence of a person who can really give an empathic response and will stay with you in this difficult moment.
Living these feelings, we seem to close the gestalt, an unfinished experience, and this frees up a lot of energy for action and life)
Your life in the present moment.
The psychotherapist is not a magician, he only helps the client to find and create support within himself and around.
This is especially important for adults, whose parents in childhood forbade and rejected them to feel this or that.
In some families, anger and anger were prohibited, while in others, on the contrary, joy or sadness could be prohibited.
The work on living the forbidden feelings is painstaking and not fast. I usually recommend that clients read certain books on their topic during therapy, so the work is much more productive.
I do not believe that reading a book like "heal after reading yourself" can be healed alone. This is impossible, since psychological defenses are turned on, preventing us from facing pain. But in therapy with a psychotherapist, these books can help.
And the book "Good Enough" is one of them)
Do you read books on psychology? What do you recommend? Maybe there is a book that you especially liked?
Recommended:
Mothers And Daughters. Chronicles Of Psychotherapy
The relationship with the mother is one of the most significant in our life. One of the most important tasks of the mother is to provide a sense of basic security and the formation of the emotional level of the child's development. For a woman, a relationship with her mother is also a relationship with her inner feminine part of the soul, with her intuitive part.
CHILDREN OF HEARTLESS MOTHERS
Mother's love is an unconditional affirmation of the life and needs of the child. A mother's love is just as "contagious" as a mother's dislike. A woman who is incapable of showing love for her own children is spoken of as a heartless mother.
This Frightening Physicality And Generations Of "dead Mothers"
At one of my self-support groups, we studied "Focusing" - the method of J. Jendlin for working with bodily sensations. The results turned out to be very interesting, and the main advantage of the method, in my opinion, is that it allows you to safely go through the discomfort and go to the resource state "
Mothers And Daughters, Or Why Mom Isn't Always Right
In our society, it is not very customary to discuss the relationship with the mother. This topic is taboo for various psychological and social reasons. Our world is so arranged that the image of the mother in its social and cultural understanding is rarely criticized.
Different Mothers Are Needed, All Kinds Of Mothers Are Important
Where do we get our "dissatisfaction" with mom and parents? Do we really know from childhood how many "kilograms" of care we need, how many "tons" of attention, how many "millions" of kisses? Where are these numbers?
