How To Properly Respond To Criticism

Video: How To Properly Respond To Criticism

Video: How To Properly Respond To Criticism
Video: How to Deal with Criticism 2024, March
How To Properly Respond To Criticism
How To Properly Respond To Criticism
Anonim

In the psychological lists of what a child should be able to do by 9-10 years old, one can find the item "correctly perceives criticism." How do we adults understand this expression ourselves?

Criticism is feedback from a person, which implies helping the criticized person improve behavior, skills, ways of manifestation, etc.

In my opinion, the correct attitude towards criticism means:

Be able to assess its quality. To do this, you need to check:

- Does the person who criticizes understand the issue about which he speaks?

- How objective is he in his assessment? Is he really talking about your behavior or is his reaction more related to how he took your words. Sometimes another person can hear or see something of their own, very far from what meaning you are laying down.

- Does this person belong to your reference group, that is, the circle of persons whose opinion you, in principle, are interested in. Society is heterogeneous, so we are best understood and accepted by those with whom our values coincide. And it is from them that the feedback is most valuable.

- From what motive this person acts. Does he really want to help you become better or is he acting out his emotions (arising with others and for other reasons). That is, does he not merge his negativity in this way, trying to self-heal at your expense?

- Is this criticism expressed in the correct form? Does she respect you as a person? And the right to have an opinion on this issue?

- Does the author of the criticism take into account the context? Or are his statements irrelevant?

2. Having determined in this way who is criticizing you now and for what purpose, you can decide whether to listen to this criticism and take it into service to work on yourself. Or leave it to the addressee.

3. Also, to the ability to correctly perceive criticism, I refer to the ability not to be destroyed by it, to establish and defend one's own boundaries if it was presented in an incorrect form. To be able not to let in that alien and harmful that a person is trying to impose on you, acting not at all for your good.

If we rely on the definition of criticism given above, its meaning is to help a person see what he may not notice, suggest some new way, expand his understanding and picture of what is happening.

Therefore, the correct format of criticism should contain:

  1. Respect for the personality of the criticized.
  2. A solution or a proposal for an action.

Criticism can also be expressed in the form of "share your experience" or "share your feelings" through the self-message and without devaluing the experience of the other. The “share feelings” format may not imply advice and exit options, it is valuable because a person looks at the situation from a slightly different angle, and this expands the speaker's picture of the world and can push for new solutions or understandings.

In order not to collapse from criticism, you need to learn to identify people whose opinion can really be useful and developing for you.

And pay attention to whether the person follows the format of respect for the personality of the interlocutor. Because if there is no respect, then in the overwhelming majority of cases it is acting out your own negative emotions. And what have you got to do with it then? It turns out a story from the category "You are only to blame for the fact that I want to eat,"

What prevents us from taking criticism correctly?

1. The belief that comes from deep childhood "I am bad / bad and I need to get better." In this case, each "jab" in your direction is perceived approximately as: "This person saw how bad I am, which means that this is really so. And I am very ashamed of this imperfection. And I am also afraid of rejection and condemnation that will follow. flaw detection."

Criticism confirms a once taken on faith belief about oneself, some kind of childish decision that has not been revised since then. Is it true?

2. The habit of collecting opinions from everyone in a row, thinking that from the outside it is better to know. The truth is, there aren't many people who will get you right. And not every opinion should be taken into account.

3. The issuance of the right to criticize you on the basis of the status of a person, and not after checking the quality of criticism. For example, parents, bosses, older relatives, persons exposed to some kind of authority. There is a great temptation to put them in the position of a Parent, and at this moment become a Child who cannot defend himself. It is important to remember at such moments that you are no longer a child, but an adult and you have the strength to stand up for yourself. You can choose which words to listen to, and which to ignore.

Unfortunately, not so many people in our society have the art of constructive criticism and for the good of the cause. Therefore, it is so important to learn to be very selective in choosing people and opinions for receiving feedback. And, also, develop resistance to those who act in a non-constructive manner.

In this text, I focused on the perception of criticism and the method of selecting it for myself. In one of the next articles, I plan to consider how you can react when you are criticized.

I hope this information was helpful to you.

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