2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Complaints about lack of care are more typical for women, while men can talk about it with a certain sense of dignity (“The woman doesn't care about me like that… And why?”). However, in any case, a person begins to ask himself a painful question - what is wrong with me, why is it given to others, but not to me?
The easiest way a person learns is through the perception of stories - examples of situations are remembered better and it is easier to transfer them directly into relationships. Let's analyze the topic of the article using the example of my personal experience of renting housing, analyze the situation and try to understand how to implement it.
The apartment that I rented before was a little uncomfortable - somewhere the wallpaper was torn, somewhere old Soviet things remained, the taps were periodically broken, the refrigerator did not work well, there were no cleaning tools. The hostess constantly complained about the cleaning. I really do not like to clean and do not deny it, but given that the house is someone else's, you need to overpower yourself and force to do it. Moreover, the relationship with the hostess as a whole did not work out - if something broke in the apartment, the problem had to be solved independently. Having moved to another apartment, I changed my attitude towards cleaning. There are beautiful shiny wallpapers, there are cleaning tools, everything is done with a soul, the attitude of the owner is pleasant and warm, he has no problems with our needs, and in return I want to clean someone else's apartment - every two weeks I take a vacuum cleaner in my hands, I regularly ventilate the room and wipe the dust. And the most amazing thing is that I understand for sure that I do it with pleasure.
What lesson can be learned from this story? The way they treat us, we, in turn, want to treat others. Each of us does something in order to obtain further benefit (even if it is simply emotional) - this is how the human psyche works. So, if you want a man to do something nice for you, you have to give him something in return. In our time, emotions in contact are worth their weight in gold (you may not have money, but it is great to lose the emotion in response to a person, and there will be complete saturation). Now is the age of narcissism, so everyone is fixated on himself, but noticing that another person is spinning around us, he gets pleasure. An important point - do not bring the situation to the point of absurdity (“I am getting out of my way, I am constantly smiling at him, I accept gifts with such joy, but they devalue me” - in this case there may be a question of bias, or you yourself do not value your work and contribution enough in a relationship). You need to enjoy not only the very fact that you are giving something to a person, but also from the process.
Moreover, you should not be haunted by the feeling "I owe it." This state kills everything at once. Sometimes such a belief is hidden in the depths of relationships directly from your family (for example, mom always broadcasted that dad owes her - he must support her, must buy a new fur coat, must buy shoes and necessarily three pairs at once, because she cannot choose). It also happens vice versa - the dad believed that the mother should, and the daughter joins this opinion (and as a result perceives her partner in the same way - “you should”).
If a person has absolutely no feeling that something is owed to him in return, a painful imbalance is formed. However, it embraces the feeling that he has the right to love, care, respect, gifts, nice words addressed to himself, attention, etc. If there is such a right within your consciousness, then further will be the realization of everything.
Remember - behind everything that you have not been able to realize in your life for a long time, there are negative beliefs and experiences, lack of faith in yourself and your capabilities, lack of the right to have what you want. To solve the problem, it is necessary to work out childhood traumas associated with maternal objects (Was mom / dad emotionally involved? How was care and love manifested? Have you bought gifts - dolls, cars, etc.?). If in childhood a child was told that there is no money (period!) To buy toys and gifts, in adulthood a person will have the feeling “no one cares about me”.
The amazing thing is that such a deep frustration can even be associated with one case (for example, you wanted certain shoes, a dress, a designer or a typewriter, but your parents did not buy it for you), and this deep "hole" sucks everything inside, no matter what you are given … What to do? You need to carefully analyze situations when you received something from other people with minimal effort, and try to form a positive attitude “people give me, give, give and will give”. In the future, try to notice the care and attention from others every day. Think about whether you have the right to love and care within you, whether you accept these feelings. If this state is unfamiliar to you, work on new attitudes in your mind!
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