Lost Child: Eyes Behind Curtains

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In the company of children, this child usually stands out for not annoying adults in any way. But if you look closely, you can see that his eyes seem to be behind curtains. As if he was lost in this world, and found himself in his own, where no one else has access. This role is called the Lost Child. Its symbol is a square. Box.

Usually, the Lost Child fulfills the family's clear message: You are interfering with us with your life. This message can be direct. Let's say the next child was born in the family, and the baby, who did not have time to grow up, hears from the mother: you are already big, do something while I am with the little one. Find yourself something to do! Don't touch me, don't distract me.

This wonderful child does not require attention. He sits somewhere in the corner, draws, dreams, plays with his toys, talks to himself. The guests envy: "How calm you are, not like ours, from which there is no salvation."

As a result, a person who has managed to hide his life from other people when he goes out into the outside world experiences a feeling of guilt and shame. “Excuse me, please, won't I disturb you? I will quickly, quickly, and then hide, disappear. Diving into the computer - and again does not bother anyone.

A lost child can become so absorbed in mathematics, computers, tin soldiers, and collecting cars that they start to give people the impression of being autistic. He may also develop dependence, because any person needs to be emotionally accepted somewhere, at least in a computer, in typewriters, and therefore he completely goes into the world of his fantasies, his ideas.

We learn the alphabet of feelings, looking in the mirror, which other people will be for us. In order for us to know what is funny, sad, sad, scary, it is necessary that at the moment when we experience it, someone should say: “Are you scared? Why are you so sad? Thus, an inner identity is established between one's own ascending, as yet unknown feelings and what it is called. So that we ourselves can distinguish our world of feelings.

And the Lost Child learns in this way: when they tell an anecdote, they all laugh. So the anecdote is funny. And when they are offended, they grieve. This is probably sadness. That is, it collects information about feelings by looking at how other people behave. A bit of an alien who does not know the real language of earthlings. He designates his own feelings as follows: now I should be scared, but now I should be sad. But in a moment of great joy, a person sometimes begins to cry, and at a moment when he is terribly scared, he can feel delight - then the Lost Child can confuse his "tags" - "scary" and "sad" - or completely forget about them.

But if no one taught to listen to oneself, then feelings are perceived as something disturbing, incomprehensible, and he does not know what to do about it.

Parents assume that the child does not know that it is not necessary to jump out of the window, because it is high here, that it is not necessary to grab the kettle, because it can be hot. But then fathers and mothers do not talk about what is happening in life, but expect that the child, mystically, will understand it himself.

But if we do not present our own feelings to the world - where did you get the idea that people will give them to us? “I would really like that! If you can - give! In response, a person may give, may not give, but if you do not talk about what is important and necessary for you, you get not what you need, but what they consider necessary to give you.

He does not know how to enter into dialogue. But we learn to think in live communication and only then we transfer this method inside ourselves. And if you are sitting in a box and receive information only from books, from films, from the stories of other people, then dialogicity for you is a disturbing background.

Therefore, the Lost Child does not communicate, but gives objective information if you need it. He is late all the time, says very important, interesting things, but at the wrong time. That is why adults of Lost Children are so fond of lonely travel, walks, choose activities where you can depend only on yourself.

Woman - The Lost Child is sometimes perceived by the opposite sex as an ice beauty. The man hopes that if he approaches, he will defrost her with his warmth. Will not defrost! It is possible that she has a lot of feelings, but she does not know how to enter into dialogue with other people. Therefore, she very quickly, after getting married, will start looking: where is the box in which to live, where can I be alone? They are very quickly depleted when required of constant communication. The disease for them is a very good reason to close and hide. The emotions of other Lost Child do not warm, he does not feel them.

He is always waiting for a prince on a white horse or a beautiful princess, but inwardly he remains very lonely. There are many lost children among successful scientists. Where it is necessary to think, think, such people take their toll at the expense of very rigid logic and control over what they say.

In a working situation, he has the role of the Hero of the Family, which was later formed, and at home, the role of the Lost Child. For the outside world - fives, successes, a career, but in the house nothing changes from this.

But when he is transferred from school to school and he needs to very quickly learn to speak the language of another community, he has very difficult experiences. After all, everything must be rebuilt! The transition from one environment to another is always very tense for him. There can be not only extremely kind Lost Children, but also aggressive Lost Children and depressed Lost Children. Like all living people.

At that moment, when someone very actively climbs into their box, they can break the thread and manifest very strong aggression, moreover, incomprehensible to them. And then a heavy feeling of awkwardness follows: I did something so indecent right in front of everyone! Getting out of oneself means getting out of the box, and they are very worried about it. In this case, the world is uncontrollable, and for the Lost Child, the controllability of the world is a condition of security.

In working with the Lost Child, it is important to slowly get used to emotional dialogue. Usually the question "What do you have?" he replies: "Yes, in general, everything is fine." The box is closed. And the tying of the first knots of emotional contact begins. Until after a while the rusted gears creak and the Lost Child says, “You know, this is so strange, but when I do it, I feel it. And I love it! " And he looks with a specific look of a person who asks: “Doesn't it bother you? You don't want to say: go to your place?"

When a snail learns to crawl out, communicate, it is imperative to keep her house. It cannot be pulled out of there quickly. An attempt to quickly and emotionally talk with such a person is doomed to complete failure, because he immediately dives back and slams shut.

The Lost Child has the feeling that anyone can offend him. The pattern of how to defend oneself in dealing with people is practically unknown to him. It is known how to build armored walls, how to hide. He needs to slowly, slowly begin to open up and at each stage learn to say: “I don’t like this” or “I don’t want this”.

At the physical level, the Lost Child has all the joints clamped. They suffer from back pain, osteochondrosis, knees. In addition, like everyone who has an impaired give-take exchange, they have difficulty breathing.

By the way, a person can become a Lost Child even at an older age - for example, those women who sit for three to five years with children. Husbands are very encouraging for some time to fully devote themselves to the house, and then they start to get annoyed. Because, returning from work, they hear from the box the voice of the Lost Child: “Well, talk to me!”, And not “You talk to me!”. And this is already a dialogue.

The ability to dialogue with the world in the absence of communication is lost after some time.