2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-31 14:10
The work collective is a system. And she can be healthy: and then the boss behaves fairly, knows how to support and inspire subordinates, does not single out favorites. Employees show initiative and take responsibility, treat each other with respect. And there are systems in which unhealthy or immature elements manifest in two dimensions. In vertical relationships - boss-subordinate and in horizontal - employee-employee.
The leader is often perceived as a parental, omnipotent figure. And the subordinate is put in the position of a child, whose main task is to follow instructions, to be obedient and a good worker, not to argue, not to rebel, not to ask unnecessary questions. In such interaction, unfinished relationships with parents are played out, where the leader translates the model of his parents' behavior (how they were treated), and the subordinate his childish role. A lot of personal, emotional is brought into working relationships, transferences and projections flourish in a violent color.
Relationships in the team between employees, if the company does not specifically set the format of interaction, are built on the principle of school relations. And they are a continuation of the previous experience of socialization in a team. This means that there are possible leaders and outsiders, "excellent" and "poor". Methods of manipulation, in comparison with childhood, become subtle, and fights are replaced by verbal battles.
People who work in large companies are most susceptible to the influence of unhealthy elements, because the larger the team, the more systemic rather than personal management. Systemic means more unified. There is no time to take into account the personal characteristics of everyone, a person is a cog that must work strictly according to instructions. And where the value of an individual decreases, violence arises.
Not so long ago, I wrote about moral abuse in relationships, and this information can also be used to analyze other areas of human communication. In this article, I want to focus on the distinctive features of abusiveness in working relationships.
If we consider the boss-subordinate relationship, then moral abuse can be recognized by the following signs:
- The boss is abusing his power. He seems to think that when he comes to work, an employee leaves all his human rights outside the office door. He wants unquestioning obedience and does not allow criticism in his address.
- Allows himself to shout, label, give out grades.
- Behaves arrogantly towards subordinates.
- Many of his decisions do not depend on clear instructions, principles and rules, but on his mood. In general, much depends on the mood in which the "chief" and the whole office are monitoring this phenomenon, like a weather forecast.
- Reproaches to a subordinate are often vague and unclear. But from the outside it seems that the victim deserves this attitude. As a rule, the one who is being scolded never has defenders. Everyone prefers to be silent so that they themselves do not get caught.
- The manager closely monitors the formal implementation of instructions, using them as a means of pressure. For example, it begins to monitor how working hours are used, imposes severe sanctions for being late with public condemnation.
- The boss allows himself to speak in front of everyone about the personality of the subordinate in a negative way.
- Assigns an employee with notoriously useless or humiliating tasks.
- Allows himself to be sexually harassed or sexist.
- Devaluates the contribution and competence of employees.
- In the event of a mistake, the employee is always guilty, the boss is not ready to admit his part of the responsibility, even if it is there.
As for moral violence in a collective of equals, it manifests itself in the following:
- Information hiding. The victim will be the last to know about everything.
- Isolation, refusal to communicate. And, at the same time, the denial of the conflict. To an attempt to explain himself, the aggressor replies that everything is in order.
- Non-verbal infringement of dignity - mismatch of words and gestures with facial expressions. In words, one, and mimicry shows the opposite. Throwing documents on the table.
- Sarcasm disguised as a joke, teasing in front of everyone.
- Condescending tone, comments from position:" title="Image" />
As for moral violence in a collective of equals, it manifests itself in the following:
- Information hiding. The victim will be the last to know about everything.
- Isolation, refusal to communicate. And, at the same time, the denial of the conflict. To an attempt to explain himself, the aggressor replies that everything is in order.
- Non-verbal infringement of dignity - mismatch of words and gestures with facial expressions. In words, one, and mimicry shows the opposite. Throwing documents on the table.
- Sarcasm disguised as a joke, teasing in front of everyone.
- Condescending tone, comments from position:
- "Hazing" for beginners who are entrusted with the "dirtiest work".
- Failure to comply with agreements / obligations when the work of the victim is dependent on the work of the aggressor.
- The requirement to provide work in a certain form, which is not specified in the instructions, but is the "arbitrariness" of the aggressor.
- Ignoring the questions of a colleague, as if "did not hear".
A good example of extremely unhealthy company relationships is reflected in the movie The Devil Wears Prada.
As a rule, people who have difficulties in setting boundaries, the habit of criticizing and devaluing themselves, difficulties in identifying their values, what is acceptable to them and what is not, are willing to endure such an attitude towards themselves. It is important for them to avoid conflicts, so they are used to adjusting and enduring for years. Most likely, such an atmosphere is not something new for them, they met with a similar attitude towards themselves earlier, in childhood, and learned that "it is possible with them." Therefore, they remain in such a relationship, convincing themselves that "this is how it is everywhere," "I have a narrow specialty," "but the salary is good," and so on.
To change the situation, you need to look at the system from the outside, to see that such a relationship is not the norm. In my work with clients, we go two paths:
- We work with values, self-acceptance, setting and maintaining boundaries, self-confidence. If the situation at work is not neglected, this is enough to change the relationship. The boss changes the attitude to a more respectful one, there are those who support among the colleagues, and an adequate distance is established with the aggressors.
- We also work with integrity, boundaries, self-respect, realizing that sooner or later, work needs to be changed. Because it is no longer possible to be in a system that does not correspond to inner values. New ambitious goals, new needs and requirements for contacts with people appear. A person is looking for a team in which healthy relationships are built, a system that respects the personality of employees. As a rule, such teams employ mature and positive people who support each other more than compete. Companies that encourage employee development, open dialogue, manager availability and do not support manipulation and intrigue. It's nice that now there are more and more such companies.
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