2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I wrote an article about sex, and in it the topic of "implicit" violence, "implicit" aggression was so vividly highlighted that I decided to put it into a separate article. Here we are talking about adult male-female relationships. Implicit violence against children is a separate topic.
Why implicit? Because often people do not perceive this as violence, aggression, attack, violation of borders. It can be perceived as something familiar and natural, as humor and even as something that has a good purpose.
Even a loving partner can commit implicit violence simply because they do not understand that it is violence.
However, it is painful, although perhaps not fully realized, disrupts emotional intimacy in a couple and negatively affects sexual desire and the ability to fully enjoy sexual, physical and emotional contact.
Implicit abuse kills emotional intimacy and sexual desire in a relationship. Because it violates the basis of the relationship - a sense of security and trust.
So. Physical, sexual and emotional (psychological) violence. There is also a fourth form, which covers all three facets - this is emotional humiliation associated with corporeality and sexuality, and, unfortunately, this form is very often disguised as "jokes with a good purpose."
Physical violence
Implicit physical violence is any touch of a person's body, as well as his things and space / territory, which is unpleasant for him in this form or at a given moment of time / place, and which is committed without his consent.
For example:
- "Innocent" snatching or clicking on the nose, inappropriate kisses on the forehead, careless slaps on the buttocks, "harmless" pokes in the stomach, "funny" tickling, "crunchy" (overly strong) hugs and other "kind of funny games", if they are unpleasant to the person to whom it is happening. When it is pleasant to both partners and is done by mutual consent, it is not violence. But it often happens that it is funny and amusing only to the one who does it (tickles, grabs, spanks). It is unpleasant for the “receiving” side, but the “active” side does not stop, because “Why is that? I'm just playing, I'm loving! " Often behind such "snaps on the nose" there is real aggression, unclear resentment, which thus finds a way out.
- The game of "hooks" (if a person has a hole in his clothes, a finger is pushed into the hole to tear even more and "motivate" the person to sew the hole), the game of "find a mug / ashtray" (when a mug / ashtray is hidden or thrown out to motivate wash it), etc.
- Being in the space of a person, when he asked to leave this space, to give him the opportunity to be alone. An obstacle (with the help of physical strength or emotional pressure) to a person's exit from the common space. Those. continue to keep the person in conversation when he wants to leave the conversation, go into his room when he asked not to do it, etc.
- Strongly grab, pull sharply, push, painfully slap, purposefully and unexpectedly for a person shout loudly in the ear, suddenly come up from behind and grab / scare sharply, etc. that causes physical pain or discomfort, can disturb the person's stability or scare. Sudden loss of stability, unexpected loud noises and unexpected attacks trigger strong reactions both physically and emotionally.
The body remembers breaking boundaries, causing pain, discomfort, fear. The intruder is labeled as a dangerous object. It becomes unpleasant to enter into emotional, physical and sexual intimacy with him, it causes tension and irritation.
The second part "Implicit violence in relationships. Part 2. Sexual violence.":
Fragment from the collection "Codependency in its own juice". You may also be interested in the book "What do we confuse love with, or Love is this" - about the illusions and traps in codependency and about the model of healthy relationships. Books are available on Liters and MyBook.
Recommended:
Victims Of Emotional Abuse (Part 2). Varieties Of Manipulations
All people lie. And yet all people manipulate each other to a greater or lesser extent to achieve their personal goals. The goals may be different, but the meaning is the same - to force the other to do what the manipulator needs to the detriment of personal interests.
Implicit Abuse In Relationships. Part 2. Sexual Assault
Continuation of the article on Implicit Violence in Relationships. The first part "Implicit violence in relationships. Part 1. Physical violence.": Https://psy-practice.com/publications/lichnye-otnosheniya/Neyavnoe-nasilie-v-otnosheniyah-CHast-1-Fi … Sexual abuse.
Moral Abuse In Relationships
Perverted communication The main goal of moral violence is to make a person doubt himself and other people, to break his will … The victims of moral violence are people who find themselves next to the aggressor and attract his attention with some of their merits, which he wants to appropriate.
Typical Misconceptions Of Women Experiencing Psychological Abuse In Relationships
Based on the book "How to Cope with Verbal Aggression". The book is dedicated to the problem of domestic violence. The consequences of verbal aggression also affect the intellectual sphere of a woman. A woman begins to be mistaken about herself and about her relationship with an aggressive partner.
Victims Of Emotional Abuse (Part 3). Exit
She enters the office. Middle-aged woman. Outwardly attractive, but so … extinct. Eyes run, hands nervously fingering the napkin. Sometimes she looks at the door or out the window with some kind of haunted gaze. Three months ago, she found the strength to leave her husband, who accused her of not having children, while her test results are in order.
