Victims Of Emotional Abuse (Part 2). Varieties Of Manipulations

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

All people lie. And yet all people manipulate each other to a greater or lesser extent to achieve their personal goals. The goals may be different, but the meaning is the same - to force the other to do what the manipulator needs to the detriment of personal interests. And if all this was limited by the reality of the business atmosphere, somehow it would still be possible to “understand and forgive”. But what if the manipulator is a toxic person who seeks to subordinate the very life of the people around him to his will? In the last article I wrote about which women are victims of emotional abuse. Now I want to describe the most common manipulations that emotional aggressors use to force a woman to do what she wants or should not.

WEAK SPOTS

Femininity is weak point # 1

A very fashionable current today is the development of femininity in a woman. Without this, she is, as it were, an under-woman. Two categories of women fall into this hook:

1. Very insecure young ladies who find it difficult to have and defend their opinions. Often in childhood, they were intimidated by their parents to a state of shadow.
2. Women who strive to develop their personality. They go to all possible trainings, read a lot of popular literature.

Typically, manipulators cling to two polar hooks:

• You are not feminine enough - so you have to do 50 points on the list (from washing men's socks to completely dissolving and pleasing him) to become feminine enough!
• You are adorable, feminine, beautiful and smart - then you owe 50 more points to the 50 that you are already doing - you can, I know.

Both the first and second options are designed to subordinate a woman to the will of a man, "to show her where she belongs." In fact, we get the oppression of the feminine nature and ordinary human rights. A man who tries to remake his woman will never be happy with the result. He will always look for reasons for new nagging. And a woman will drive herself into stress and illness due to the abandonment of her real self. Therefore, it makes sense, firstly, to understand and understand that a woman has the right to be what she wants, and secondly, to think about the need for a man who no longer loves her. Because if I loved, I would accept it as it is, with admiration.

Feelings of guilt - weak point # 2

First, parents instill a sense of guilt (ah-ah-ah … you're a girl, and you broke your tights …), then this feeling will be supported and fed by everyone and everyone: boss, colleagues, husband, children, girlfriends. The hook is a constant criticism not only in relation to actions and deeds, but also to the personality of a woman in order to cause an actualization of the feeling of guilt:

• Because of you, we were late for the movies;
• I care about your safety, and you …;
• You didn't try to please my parents, and now I have to …

Thus, a woman “should” do something because of the guilt that such words arouse in her. Such manipulations are not always intended to provoke action. A depressed self-esteem is enough. The way to resist this manipulation is not to make excuses, to be confident in yourself, in your thoughts and actions. How? Just shrug and turn away. You don't owe anyone anything!

Feeling fear is weak point # 3

The feeling of fear is one of the oldest. It is formed at the level of genetics as a defense mechanism and is additionally instilled in us in childhood with the help of intimidation (a dog will bite, a car will hit, you will drown in a river) and lives in the soul in a ball of black thoughts starting with “What if …”. What fear can an emotional aggressor instill in a woman? The spectrum can be different - from the departure of such a life as him from her life, to threats to tell parents, friends or work colleagues some hard-hitting facts, upload photos or videos to the network, pick up children, etc.

Clinging to this hook, the woman is threatened: if you do not do what I want, you will lose something valuable. She feels compelled to do something because she is afraid of the consequences. As soon as an emotional aggressor begins to intimidate a woman, this is a sign - it's time to end the relationship with him urgently! Remember, fear lives in the head, and not always what we are afraid of happens. Sometimes threats are just threats. Sometimes it makes sense to be ahead of the curve and warn all your acquaintances and friends that you are being blackmailed with something. There can be many ways out.

Decency is weak point # 4

Decency is when a person constantly thinks about how others will think of him. This is your hook if you are offended, if someone, evaluating your actions, says:

• It's so dishonorable of you to leave work at 18:00 when everyone is working and you will feel ashamed.
• Decent girls do not behave like that … And you continue an unpleasant conversation or communication in order to appear in someone's eyes as a decent girl

The question is in a woman's personal understanding of decency and making a decision - to be what she is or to sacrifice her principles at the will of the manipulator. The most interesting thing is that by pressing on decency, the aggressor, firstly, acts dishonestly, and secondly, makes his victim do something dishonorable. So drop "all decorum" and fight back.

The desire to appear significant - weak point # 5

As a child, the girl was often told something like "what a clumsy you are", "you won't succeed", "my little fool", "but Masha can do better!" And then I wanted to prove that this is not so. I want to be significant in the eyes of other people. For this, many are ready to work overtime, sleep 4-5 hours a day, so that when they come home from office work, they are ready to redo all their homework. To be praised, appreciated …

In addition to the above, there are other strings that can be pulled by the manipulative aggressors: jealousy, envy, a sense of duty, patriotism, trust, revenge, pride, "weak", a sense of justice, sex, etc.

It is not enough to know the weak points of a woman, you must also be able to touch them correctly. To do this, the emotional aggressor uses two techniques aimed either at humiliating a woman or at praising her (and getting what she wants anyway).

TECHNIQUES FOR USING WEAKPLACES

1. Overhead strikes when the manipulator takes a dominant position in relation to its victim

These are words aimed at feelings of significance, decency, guilt. Their goal is to get a woman to do something quickly. Here are examples of such strikes:

• What a mess you are! Can you pack faster ?!
• I didn't think you were so intractable
• Now I understand why such fame goes about you

Such manipulations are used by people who consider themselves better, higher, stronger than others, they are absolutely sure of the effectiveness of their techniques. Moreover, such manipulations are more noticeable and obvious than their second variety.

2. Stroking from below, when the manipulator takes a conditionally subordinate position in the relationship, is flattering

Here, the emotional aggressor plays on the merits of his victim, forcing her to live up to his expectations. It doesn't matter how much effort it takes to do it. Examples of strokes:

• I'm sure a professional like you can handle this task easily!
• You cook so delicious! My 20 relatives are coming to us (for the third time in a month), cook something delicious!
• Darling! You are so lovely! You don't mind if my mom and younger brother stay with us in a one-room apartment for a couple of months?

In both cases, the woman is forced to play an uncomfortable role for her. At the same time, the actions that she performs every day of someone else's will exhaust and devastate her. And when she wants to break off the relationship, the emotional aggressor takes out the whole arsenal of his tricks, reproaches, threats, in order to bring to her consciousness, finally, what a nonentity she is and how much she loses in her life. If you find yourself in such a situation, part with him without regretting anything.

What if you realize that you are being manipulated?

1. Knowledgeable means - armed! Track your weaknesses and learn to recognize manipulations in your address.
2. If the action that is required of you does not contradict your personal values, attitudes and does not upset your inner balance, do not resist.
3. Learn to say “no!” If you feel uncomfortable and the expected action from you is contrary to your inner rules and values
4. Do not hesitate to contact a specialist if you feel that your boundaries are constantly being violated.

In the next article, I will talk about how to recognize emotional distress and get over the exit from the relationship with the aggressor.