2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Much inspiring has been written about how to live well and not expect! You don't expect - you don't build illusions, you don't build illusions - you don't get disappointed and don't suffer from it. You see people as they are, you are not fascinated, you are not deceived, you create real and lasting relationships. Then, when you don't expect, life is full of surprises! And then I am bewildered, I ask myself: “Why, with all the advantages of Life without expectations, do I still choose Life with expectations? Why do I need this? And there were many benefits.
I am not responsible for anything
When I expect something, I automatically shift the responsibility to another for the development and outcome of the situation. Another will come, tell me what is right, or even better, he will do it himself: he will fix it, somehow affect my life, our relationship. For example: I have a difficult conflict situation, so let that other do something, come up, ask for forgiveness, decide whether to continue our relationship and what it will be like. Why will the other decide for me? Because he is bolder, more literate, more mature? I prefer not to think about this …
I have a clear, clear conscience: I am not guilty and I am always right …
To expect is to be inactive, and the one who does nothing is not wrong. I'm always right! There will always be someone to blame for my suffering. It is very convenient. “Now, if he did, it would be all right. Now, if the circumstances were different … Mom raised me in a wrong way, the authorities are inhuman, God is deaf and unjust. I know how to do it well, but what can I … Nothing depends on me … It depends on them, they have to do something. And I will suffer and sigh doom. But I’m not to blame, and I’m right, of course.
Avoiding inner emptiness and loneliness
When I wait, I am not alone. It’s like I’m surrounded by people. I talk to them, prove something, make claims, take offense. There are many emotions and experiences, life is in full swing! She, however, revolves only in my head and real people do not know about it. But this is also a reason to be offended and expect to be noticed, understood, approached, asked, called, supported. When I expect something from people, it seems to me that they also think about me, that they have me in their head too. And I'm not alone! I have a relationship! In the imagination … well, let it be, at least so.
Safety and comfort
When I wait, I don't need to open up to people. This is very risky. They must figure out everything for themselves. I am proud and invulnerable. I am observing from a bird's eye view. Because if you ask, then they can refuse, laugh, condemn, ignore. Oh, how it all hurts. And scary. And even such a simple thought that they may not refuse, help, give, and be glad at the same time, does not outweigh.
Nothing will change my opinion about me, nothing will make me doubt the correctness of my life, that something needs to be changed, corrected, improved. God forbid, an insidious thought will come: how I live, what is my salary, what kind of relationship is the result of only my choices. Here you can be disappointed in yourself, in your abilities and skills. Well, that's why it is? Deep in my heart, I am calm and completely convinced that I am the best, it is just that others do not allow me to open up and realize myself. I won't check it, it's dangerous.
Sweet sense of self worth and worth
And in general, it's nice to realize that everyone owes me: people, the world, life. I am so special and oh-oh-very important to them! They should think about me all the time and do their best to improve my life. They just have to do it! Really, why such a fright do they owe me this? But these are already harmful thoughts, they are not safe for illusions….
Why is such a strategy so firmly entrenched in the head - to expect? It looks like from childhood. Somewhere out there, in life, there are adults, omnipotent and omnipotent people. And who am I? Nobody, small and helpless, does not influence anything and depends on everyone. Nobody notices me, I just prevent everyone from doing their adult affairs. And it remains to wait for someone from the mighty of this world to suddenly pay attention to me. It is important that others do not have to wait, because they may change their minds! I am grateful already only for the fact that I was noticed. Oh, I am not an empty place, I am something of myself! I waited. Here it is, happiness!
And everything would be fine, only one thing worries: I am not free and my life depends on someone else, on some circumstances that will come when they want and everything will change for the better. How do you think that no one owes me anything - goodbye childhood, hello loneliness, emptiness, fear, anger, despair and responsibility.
To wait is not to live, but to think that life will begin when the expected comes true. And Life, meanwhile, goes on … and does not wait for me …
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