Equality Trap For Children And Adults

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Lately I've been thinking that the idea of treating children as equals has played a bit of a cruel joke. With the general correctness of the message - attention, respect, the desire to negotiate, she stumbles over one nuance - children are actually very different from adults. And by the degree of dependence and, most importantly, by how their brains are developed and how their thinking is arranged.

I have often observed how parents demand from young children some things that are easy for adults, but inaccessible to children due to their age. For example - patience (well, what are you whining, we only drive for 5 minutes), the ability to control feelings (don’t cry, don’t shout, don’t be capricious), the ability to foresee some situations and avoid them (why didn’t you think that …), the ability to keep in the head of the agreement and observe them (why are you doing this again, I explained to you).

Our brain can be roughly divided into three large blocks - these are:

1) The reptilian brain, the most ancient part of the brain, which is mainly responsible for biological functions - breathing, heartbeat, blood circulation, etc.

2) The limbic system - is responsible for the work of internal organs, sleep and memory, but primarily for emotional processes that are unconscious.

3) The cerebral cortex. She is responsible for our consciousness, logical thinking, planning.

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In humans, all three parts of the brain develop and mature in that order. A child comes to this world with an already formed reptilian brain, with a partially formed limbic system and with a very "unfinished" cerebral cortex.

In the first few years of life, the areas of the brain associated with basic functions change most rapidly. By the age of 4, the areas responsible for sensation and general motor skills are almost completely developed. Until 3-4 years of age, a child goes a long way in realizing and consolidating his own I, and only after that empathy appears in children - the ability to put oneself in the place of another and understand his feelings. Together with the formation of empathy, a sense of shame may appear as a regulator of behavior.

By the age of 6, the area of the brain responsible for speech is immature, but continues to develop rapidly in children up to the age of 10. This means that despite the proficiency of speech, children are far from always able to explain or express any thoughts. The areas of the prefrontal cortex responsible for abstract thinking, the ability to think rationally, and emotional maturity have not yet developed. Therefore, it is difficult for young children to perceive a large amount of information and when they are offered too much choice, children have tantrums. Also, due to the underdevelopment of the prefrontal cortex in children, the excitement of emotional processes often prevails over their inhibition, which means that children often cannot stop, they are capricious, demanding and completely illogical.

By the age of 9, the parietal lobes of the brain begin to mature. Their development allows children to master the skills of mathematics and geometry. The speed of learning at this age is very high. It is by this age that children become attentive and accurate, able to remember and follow many small rules.

By the age of 13, the prefrontal cortex, one of the last among the regions of the brain, matures. Until it develops, children lack the ability to adequately assess risk or make long-term plans.

Emotions - Deep within the limbic system, the ability to consciously experience emotions grows. But this ability is not inhibited by the prefrontal cortex, which is lagging behind in development. This is why adolescents are so emotional at the same time and often find it so difficult to contain their emotions.

Logic - At this age, the parietal lobes, which are responsible for the intelligence and analytical abilities of the child, develop very quickly.

By the age of 17-21, the brain finally matures, and most adult functions are available to it.

Of course, a colossal part of this development depends on the environment and the upbringing of the child, but still, it seems to me that knowledge of biological limitations plays a very important role - it gives the understanding that the child is not to blame, that he does not do something on purpose, that he is not bad brought up. And then, instead of feeling ashamed for the child's behavior or shame for oneself as a bad teacher and, based on this, gets angry, punished and upset, instead, you can simply understand that there are natural limitations and relate to some unpleasant manifestations, for example, tantrums, whims, with understanding and sympathy.