2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Ira was married, two children and 10 years of family life behind her. Her husband disappeared to work abroad, and Ira herself worked as a private entrepreneur in the service sector.
Personal work began with a request about the relationship with my mother - bitter, conflicted, with many complaints, then about the children and finally we came to her pain - it's a shame to be more successful than her husband. Earn more, do what you love, and most importantly work for yourself, because the husband remained an employee.
Ira had several attempts to become “the right wife” - she would sit at home, then she left her business and went into hiring, then she plunged into conflicts with her mother and mother-in-law. But always after such a decision, she felt bad, and the children began to get sick. And as soon as Ira returned to her business, her illnesses disappeared.
In addition to personal therapy, Ira did techniques and constellations. Thanks to this, we were able to discover her hidden strategies of behavior. On an unconscious level, she kept in touch with women of the clan, who, due to social conditions, always chose relationships and betrayal of themselves. In order to become "good wives" and not stand out in anything in the husband's family, and most importantly not to be more successful than him, they abandoned their talents and abilities, lived with gray mice, suffered beatings and violence. It was silence that ran like a red thread through Irina's life. She was silent about her goals, about her desires and aspirations. She herself did not understand why she behaved this way with her husband, who had never touched her with a finger. We analyzed family difficult stories that manifested themselves in the ancestral field through constellations, pulled out new steps that needed to be taken in real life in order to start the process of personal change. In her family, a woman was not supposed to think about herself and her interests, she was considered "bad". It was right to think about others, to sacrifice oneself, to be helpful and everyone likes it, that is, to wear masks that erased a woman's personality. Ira is used to suppressing her natural brightness, desire for success, and, most importantly, leadership. Belief in herself, that I can do everything and work out - was reprimanded in her family and in the family of her husband. It is right to be behind the "husband's back" and not stick out. She was ashamed that she wanted something else, ashamed that she could have her own business and earn money on her own. Financial independence from men was condemned in both parental families, and there was neither strength nor resources to set their own rules.
Ira worked on her inhibitions and shame for two years. During this time, she realized and reworked hundreds of her attitudes, in fact, she formed a new thinking and worldview. Rebuilt relationships with mom and mother-in-law. She became interesting to herself, realized that she can and can do a lot, is capable of earning good money, and her husband admitted this fact. Ira tripled her income, new goals appeared, which two years ago did not even occur to - the development of an author's online school.
Relations with her husband have also radically changed - THEIR rules appeared in the family, and not "this is how mom and dad lived and we should." During these two years, they went from filing an application for divorce to a new high-quality relationship, interest and love for each other came to their field.
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