Love And Affection

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Sometimes, when you love a woman very much, you need to let her go.

Continuing to be with her outwardly, to lower it inside yourself. She is free, she is free.

This will make both of you happier.

Although, of course, first of all, the man himself needs it.

Our own freedom depends on how much we can let go.

And the closer a person is, the more you need to let him go.

For the feeling of friendship, community, our filial love for our parents, our parental love for our children, love for our woman - all these feelings often go alongside affection.

And the more attachment - the more we are not free. The more we are not free, the harder it is on our souls, for the soul longs for freedom.

And this line - love and affection, it is subtle and sometimes unconscious.

Here's a friend in trouble. And this is not just a friend, but a Friend. Real, time-tested.

Help a friend:

- from a feeling of friendly love, mutual respect, kinship of experienced adversity

- or helping a friend out of affection.

Doing something from the first - our soul rejoices, from the second - weeps.

And although many people put this feeling of the soul into a distant corner, completely guided by reason, norms of behavior and morality - public, family and their own.

Nevertheless, this stone accumulates in the soul, and sooner or later a person still feels that he is doing something wrong.

What is this "wrong"? This is when there is a sacrifice of oneself for the sake of others.

And although this in itself is a good quality, in excessive use, to the place and out of place - it leads to a sacrifice of oneself to the detriment of oneself.

The fact is that in any relationship - friendly, working, family, man-woman, a person must remain free. He is not free outwardly - he has tasks, obligations, debts, etc. But he does all this out of inner freedom.

And then the person is happy.

If at some point a person: and when it is necessary (!), And when it is not necessary (!) - does, does, does. It becomes unhappy.

Why is this happening?

Here is a friend asks you to help you with something. And you, postponing your affairs, go to the help of a friend. And again he needs help - and you help. Then a few more times. And you have very important things to do. But he is a Friend (!), And you give up your important affairs and help him. And when he has a real problem - then you are happy, but when he needs help, of course, but you have more serious business, you left yours, helped him, but you have problems. And now you are no longer happy - you helped a friend, but put a pig on yourself. And my thoughts are - "maybe you should have refused?" maybe it is necessary, but … he did not refuse. And now you mentally punish yourself for not giving up when you needed to.

And it turns out that your friend is using you. Most often, without realizing it, although it happens consciously.

But this is not the reason. The reason is attachment.

When there is no attachment, you are in friendship - and you do not lose yourself.

When the attachment is excessive, then when you can, you help, and when you cannot, you also help, because you are afraid of losing a friend.

You almost always put his interests above your interests, out of affection.

And friendship becomes a sad friendship.

When there is no attachment, you are free, you are happy to help a friend and at the same time you are aware of yourself, your needs. And then when a friend asks you for help, depending on the situation, you can both quit your business and go to help a friend, and in certain situations honestly tell him that "Sorry friend, I would like to help you, but at the moment I cannot decide your affairs to the detriment of their own."

And let this help be, time, deed or something else - it must be harmonious.

And it is harmonious when it is done out of love.

A friend doesn't have enough $ 400 to celebrate his birthday in style, but you need this money to feed your wife and children.

And a friend is important, but your family shouldn't be hungry either. And even more so, having given the last money to a friend for entertainment - in debt for an indefinite time, you should not run around all the neighbors looking for a loan, because tomorrow you need something.

And here is an important moment, when a friend tearfully asks you, because he has long dreamed of buying something there for his birthday, but if he could add 400 bucks, it would be much better. This important point is not to lose yourself. If you can really lend - no question, if this is a huge problem for you - tell him so, directly and openly.

Not afraid of his possible grievances, not afraid of losing friendship, not afraid of changing his attitude towards you.

This is possible when you respect him, appreciate him - out of love, not out of affection.

But where does this attachment come from? Where are her roots.

Love for another person is impossible without love for yourself.

Attachment to other people is rooted in self-dislike. And the more there is, the more affection.

And here is the paradox, at a deep level: so that our relationship with a father / mother, with a beloved woman, with friends, relatives, colleagues, good acquaintances - to be harmonious … you need to let them go. For their sake, for the sake of self-love.

By letting them go, we grant them freedom, and thus we return freedom to ourselves.

And the more freedom we have - the more our soul rejoices, the more states of happiness we have.

At the external level, perhaps, at first, our relatives, acquaintances, friends, children, beloved wife will not understand, but at a deep level everything is harmonized.

When we take into account our own interests, and the interests of the family, and the interests of relatives, friends, acquaintances - and we feel the situation when and where what needs to be put in priority.

This flexibility is possible when we are free internally. We are not afraid to lose, we are not afraid of possible negativity, misunderstanding, quarrels and other consequences. And we are not afraid when a person is released inside.

And the closer a person is: this is your son, brother, father, mother, wife, friend - the more they need to be released.

For excessive attachment to the detriment of love will immediately help, but further destroy friendship.

Excessive help to relatives to the detriment of their family - wife and children, destroys the family.

Excessive fulfillment of all the desires of the wife leads to divorce.

We must learn to be in relationships with people without losing ourselves. Helping others to be free.

This leads to help out of desire.

In a relationship, the main thing is not to lose yourself.

To be with a friend, not with him. To be with relatives, not with them. To be with your wife, not with her.

And of course the most difficult thing for us is the closest person, our woman.

To love her, and at the same time … to let her go.

And then you will walk the path of creating happy relationships and strengthening them over time.

But if at the start, at the beginning of married life, she "knows better what is right" than you, you will have to constantly adjust, sacrificing yourself in favor of the one to whom your feeling of love is directed. If you sacrificed yourself for love, then she has no one to love more. If, in loving, you have lost your self-respect, she simply has no one to respect.

And that's all, because you have lost the line of love and affection.

Thinking that you are doing something out of love, you feel sick in your soul, you are unhappy, you convince yourself that it is “necessary”, or that “I don’t want to lose her” - then in reality you are not doing this out of love, but out of affection.

And attachment destroys you and everything around you. Destroys happiness. And now you are attached to a person, you are with him - but both of you are unhappy.

Letting go inside a person, gradually behind the inside - and the outside is aligned.

In practice, it turns out that almost always, when it seems to us that we will lose something, when we let go of a person inside ourselves, it suddenly turns out that he is getting closer.

Except in rare cases. When we try to keep "not our" person next to us.

And we keep it in tandem with us with our affection, so that we can fill something inside ourselves.

But then it is all the more necessary to let go of the person within oneself.

After all, certain things cannot be replenished by anyone else, except for oneself.

In any case, the closest people need to be released inside.

If a person is "yours" - he will be with you, but if he leaves - he was never yours.

And when with the person with whom we are together - less affection and more love - you become happier together!