2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today, at the penultimate consultation on Skype, late in the evening, at almost 9, we were analyzing the algorithms of codependent relationships with the client. A young woman, telling her story, shared genuine bewilderment: all her attempts to establish relations with a beloved man ran into "invisible barriers" - barriers erected by her beloved into a large and serious drama, full of piercing acute feelings and unbearable severity of situations. To describe the situation in one word: their romance is not about a bright emotional feeling, but about a tearful, dramatic LUBOL.
/ A still from the movie "Vanilla Sky" - just about such a relationship. /
- What are we doing wrong?
- Why am I to blame for something in the eyes of my partner?
- Where do our countless obstacles come from and can we get rid of this ill-fated fate?
- Why is our path so hard? I was exhausted, tired, my soul constantly aches, my back fails, my stomach stops working … Help me, please! If possible…
In response, I urged my client to take the conscious position of an outside observer …
- Let's look at your situation together, as if from the outside …
1. Is it possible in living, human relations without oversights and mistakes - after all, this is not arithmetic, but spontaneously created matter; And is there any sense in this case to cling to the problems of living history, cultivating difficulties - not resources?
2. What actually lies behind this position: look for tricks and complications? Maybe the desire to artificially exacerbate the situation, add pepper and spice?
3. Does your partner need an even, balanced relationship? Does he have a request for this? Does he want it? Will he cope then?
4. And most importantly: do you need other relationships yourself?
Analyzing the situation, we saw: one psychological obstacles in the history of a beloved couple are immediately replaced by the following; and they are all subjective, not factual. Probably, both have a certain request for such obstacles - after all, this is sharper, more dramatic, brighter. Deprive such relationships of drama, they will lose their zest for a codependent partnership - they will cease to enchant and hold together … The relish of such relationships in their heat, contradictions, emotional swings …
And all would be fine, if you are aware of the "cinematic nature" of this situation: action-packed scenarios are often "written" in the minds, and not in objective reality. I would like to "have fun" - please, health - continue your love-adventure "quest". Exhausted and tired - it is never too late to "wake up" and look at the situation sensibly: no one, except yourself, makes you suffer - switch LUBOL to a bright emotional feeling. Can't handle it yourself? Contact professional assistants! Nothing is irreparable! As long as we are alive, we can do a lot!
… I remember one clip on this topic - with Anastasia Stotskaya's song "The River Vienna", remember?
The story of the sketch (below I will attach it) in how two people get into an accident and plunge into a surreal, fantastic dream in which they cannot meet in any way - they walk by, and when they are nearby, they will definitely miss - and this phantasmagoria continues for a very long time, until both, finally, "did not wake up" … The girl, by the way, "wakes up" first. The young man - a little later, but the main thing is that he also regains consciousness, with the revival of a real presence in life and in relationships …
Finally, I will add …
I would like to wish the heroes of today's consultation, devastated by the drama of their relationship (like the heroes of the clip I have indicated), to wake up from a "heavy love dream", and "waking up" in the reality of their relationship, to open up to a living and happy feeling. After all, dear readers, this is a point, serious criterion: healthy, living love, even in the most desperate circumstances, does not destroy or hurt, on the contrary, it comforts and warms.
And now a brilliant clip, a metaphorical song, a widespread plot …
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