Codependency. Cons And One Huge Plus

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

And so, of course, those who at least once heard this word, or are familiar with it, worked on their problem, they, of course, will immediately name the disadvantages that codependency carries

In this case, when talking about cons, codependency sufferers really mean cons. But psychologists mean our hidden benefits that we get from the fact that we continue to remain with the patterns of behavior of the codependent.

What are the hidden benefits:

1. Of course, the ability not to change anything, no matter how strange it may seem to many. After all, if you put your desire to become independent in the first place for yourself, you will have to change a lot in yourself. You will have to change your behavior, way of thinking, learn to say NO to what you don’t like, and say Yes to everything that pleases you. We'll have to learn to enjoy not a high degree of relationships (scandals, ignorance, parting), but from the calm happiness that harmonious relationships actually carry.
2. We'll have to stop suffering. But you are so used to crying and wailing, how badly someone treats you. And you will have to learn to cope with your emotions on your own and make efforts to be happy.
3. You don't have to save anyone. Since all codependents are eager to find someone who needs to be saved, you will have to learn not to save anyone. Do not teach, do not instruct, do not help, do not pull out of a deplorable situation, but you will have to start living your own life. And living a life of their own is very scary for codependents. Since then your interests and desires need not only to be put in the first place, but also, if necessary, to defend and act.
4. As a codependent, you can safely receive your portion of sympathy from anyone. Unfortunately, our country and our mentality are very fond of sufferers. Therefore, while you whine, there will definitely be ears that will listen and sympathize. And again, it means that everything can be left as it is. Well, for example, to live with an alcoholic husband, tell your boss that you can spend the night at work, smile sweetly at the mockery of relatives or jokes, but boil inside.
5. Don't be yourself. All codependents are not themselves, just because they don't know how to do it. They have memorized the system of adaptation to the world around so much that they have forgotten how it is. How to openly express your emotions, be spontaneous. The question is that if you learn to openly express your emotions, you will soon notice that someone does not like them or are uncomfortable. And since you express them, then there is a possibility that you do not like, and you will be deprived of love. To be deprived of love for a codependent is much worse than not being yourself all your life.

On the way from codependency to independence, you will have to part with many people. Then, with many concepts of how it should be and what I should be, with a feeling of guilt towards anyone, with the fear that I cannot, with the fear of being left alone and losing those crumbs of love that you took for happiness.

Personal example

In my case, the struggle was not for life, but to the death. The level of patience went off scale, and I poured out everything I thought about those who I thought were responsible for my condition. But no one except me and my habit of enduring had essentially nothing to do with my condition. I didn't care that I would lose someone or then someone would leave my life, I just wanted to save myself! I don’t think it was the best option that I chose, but it’s better to choose this option than none, and continue to endure.

But now I will say that it was worth it. And it is in this that I see a huge plus, which gives the presence of codependency in you - the possibility of development. Development of oneself in all its spheres: physical, emotional, spiritual. Overcoming codependency, you can open a new yourself, get to know yourself better, understand your true needs and desires. Finally, allow yourself to go your own way in this life.

Overcoming, yes, this word is the best fit here, since you have to force yourself to drag yourself into unusual forms of behavior and attitude towards yourself. Namely:

you put your interests first

do not tolerate what you do not like

you openly express your feelings

you learn to be spontaneous and alive again

Then comes the period of opening and acceptance. At first you accept everything as it is, that is, I am codependent, I have such patterns of behavior and such. Then you change your behavior, find new forms of expressing yourself, you understand that the conflict is not scary, but even necessary. Then you accept a new self, with the same set that you have learned about yourself. You accept your responsibility for your condition and the fact that from now on you will not be convenient for many, but simply will be yourself. You accept the fact that only those who really love you will stay with you, those who do not need you comfortable, but alive and real.

Therefore, after a while, I realized that there is a huge potential hidden in codependency. You have a chance, already at a conscious age, to look at yourself with your own eyes, to see yourself real and alive, to understand what you want to be and, finally, to become yourself.

Author: Darzhina Irina Mikhailovna