How Do You Stop Doing What You Do And Start Doing Differently?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People often come to me for personal therapy with the question, "How can I stop doing what I do and start doing differently?"

The question seems to be simple, but there are a lot of nuances behind it.

For example, it may turn out that in the idea of “doing differently” lies the thought “how can I do something differently so that another person starts doing differently”?

And then you have to talk about the fact that during therapy you can only change yourself. And, perhaps, this will lead to changes in the other person. Maybe not.

And the need to somehow accept it is revealed: “I am not omnipotent. I cannot guarantee to influence another person and force him to act as I need."

And, you know, accepting this is a very big inner work.

Or the person wants something in his life to be somehow different. The ultimate goal for him seems to be clear. But in fact, nothing is clear.

It is not clear what exactly he wants to change? In what quantity and quality? What is he willing and able to do to bring about these changes?

And more deeply: does what he voices really want? Or is it just some idea, accepted from the outside, "because it is right", "because everyone is doing it" or "because it's time.."? And if he doesn’t want to, then what is his actual need?

Finding answers to such questions is often long, unpleasant and dreary. Many different feelings and experiences are raised. Memories. A lot of despair and rage. Disappointment and sadness.

It may seem that all this is too painful and useless.

But this is not the case.

When irrelevant ideas, concepts, repressed memories, feelings, desires come out and become visible, tangible and experienced, they stop pressing on a person from the inside.

There is a free space for cultivating one's own - desired, important, valuable.

"It is impossible to fill a vessel with clean water when it is full of something else …"

And the very process of liberation from unpleasant experiences brings other emotions - relief, pacification, joy. The need to spend energy on worrying and holding on to experiences within oneself disappears and the energy appears to act and live.

And I really want to know from you about your attitude to psychotherapy -

Do you think this is helpful?

Did you or do you go to a psychologist? What do you get or get there? And if you didn't, then is there interest and what stops you?

Maria Veresk, online psychologist, gestalt therapist.