2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every day he makes a choice: to follow the knurled one or to embark on the path of change. A difficult, filled with their own work and determination, the path leading to a completely different, healthy, life. But more often, after thousands of attempts or even not even trying to change something, he chooses a proven way of avoiding responsibility and, as a result, from reality, which is not easy and rarely pleasant, but the only real one. Leaving into oblivion, into unhealthy relaxation, into the illusory world of peace and absence of problems, into the once chosen dependence … And this is not surprising, because the life of an addicted person is accompanied by such factors that are difficult to change, and even more so alone
What are these factors?
First of all, it is an empty emotional world. An addicted person either does not know what he is feeling or constantly feels emptiness. Everyday little things do not bring joy and positive emotions. But anger, disappointment and loneliness, even unconsciously, are always there. In this place, the only way to find at least some short-term satisfaction, and relief is seen in the withdrawal into addiction.
The next thing is the overwhelming lack of confidence in oneself and in life. Life is about making decisions all the time. And here difficulties arise due to the covering uncertainty in everything - thoughts, actions, plans. The addict is either not used to making any decisions (before, everyone else, for example, parents), or has forgotten how to do it, because he found a "good" way to throw off responsibility.
Also, the constant companions in the life of an addict are very strong feelings and emotionally charged states - shame, guilt and a feeling of one's own "badness" and unworthiness. And we have to deal with this somehow. Often, in order to forgive the surging guilt and reduce shame, the addict turns his attention to those around him and generously shares this burden with them. It helps oneself by shaming and blaming significant loved ones for all their sins and failures, while simultaneously requesting support, help and understanding that was not received in childhood in a specific way. Thus, in search of attention, he takes the position of the victim. He fences himself off from life "here and now" with memories: "20 years ago I was …", and excuses "if only, then I would …"
And of course, in the life of an addict there is always a whole string of rescuers and helpers. People who carry "good", do everything instead of an addict, do not let them fall to the bottom, worried about their health, supporting them financially, morally and emotionally. These people even take on shame and guilt instead of the addict, and live his life 100%. Well, how can you change something here, with such support ?!
Yet it is important to understand that a life with addiction is rather an irresponsible, overwhelmed with difficult experiences, existence, very traumatic for the addict and for his environment.
This is the same story when the addict loses other abilities of relaxation and satisfaction, besides the use of alcohol or other substances.
The codependent lives in constant grievances and anxious, eating up all life energy, waiting for the next addiction. Anger, resentment, anxiety are the main companions in the life of a codependent. But this is a topic for a separate article.
And the child, being an involuntary participant in what is happening, begins to ask non-childish questions, or even completely, from constant emotional stress and quarrels of loved ones, is afraid to return home …
It is very difficult to call such a happy life. And unfortunately, such stories are not at all uncommon.
It is difficult to change the circumstances, but it is possible.
Two conditions must be met:
- there is a strong desire of the addict to build a qualitatively different life
- constant professional psychological help and support is provided
And without this you can’t. It is very difficult to cope alone, since many psychological aspects are affected in the process of change. It is important to get enough support and acceptance, learn to rely on yourself, change some views, etc.
Today there are very effective forms of such psychological support. This is an individual work with a psychotherapist and group therapy. The latter is not very popular in our country, but in the case of getting rid of addiction, it is especially effective, since it is the group that provides invaluable support in such an important process of treating addiction.
For changes in cooperation with a psychologist, it will be important:
- work through resentments and other difficult feelings, childhood trauma and other important aspects of life experience
- learn to live anger, anger, loneliness and other difficult conditions
- understand and accept yourself as you are
- be aware of your needs and find adequate ways to satisfy them
- and much more, which ultimately will allow you to regain a sense of your own self-worth, pride and satisfaction with life.
There are many options for living your own life. How to fill it up is up to you. Contact us!
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