2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A long time ago, at one of the personal growth trainings, I witnessed the following experiment.
- Who wants to get these 50 dollars? - asked the presenter of the training participants, holding over his head a blank new banknote of 50 dollars.
About a hundred people raised their hands.
Clutching the bill in his hand, the presenter continued.
- And now, when this bill is crumpled? Who wants to get it?
The number of hands raised did not change.
“Okay, what if I get her dirty with my boot?
In the next instant, he threw the money on the floor, stepped on, twisting the toe of his boot over it. Then he picked up a dirty, crumpled bill, which until recently was clean and even, asked the audience.
- Do you still think this bill is valuable? How many of you would like to take it?
There are fewer hands in the hall, but not much.
People still continued to see the value of $ 50 despite the appearance of the bill.
Money has not lost its value. Objectively. They, as before, could buy the same amount of goods, exchange them for the same amount of services. Yes, they didn’t look as beautiful as initially, but the value remained the same. Any banker would confirm this.
- What's wrong with you?
The people in the hall froze. Either from surprise, or from confusion, or from the conclusions made.
- Where is your value lost when, under the influence of life's adversities, you feel crushed, trampled? After failures and failures, can you affirmatively say that your value has not disappeared anywhere, has not been lost? To say that even if you fell down, got dirty in someone else's criticism, you are still valuable, are you okay? Raise your hands, who can say that.
Not a single hand raised.
- What's wrong with you? - the host repeated the question.
And he fell silent.
And with him the whole hall fell silent.
Each thought about his own.
I thought about self-worth.
About how not accepting ourselves along with all the mistakes, we find ourselves in a vicious circle of suffering, a feeling of inferiority. We lose meaning by becoming a context.
People want to feel self-worth, thinking about it as something that they want to appropriate. To receive the concrete from the ephemeral, to receive the external readiness from the inner sensations.
"First I will feel my value, and then I will show it to the world."
It is as if 1 dollar were reasoning: first I will feel my value equal to 50 dollars, then I will become in reality.
In my experience, this works differently.
First, we admit our reality: stupidity, filthiness, mistakes, bruises - that is. And then, ceasing to wait for better conditions and a magical technique for adjusting self-worth, we begin to increase our value in actions. First of all, for yourself.
Self-worth is a choice that requires no excuse.
Choosing to talk about yourself, even if it's scary. Give up what doesn't fit. Do not get involved in salvation, give thanks for what you have. Deal with the consequences of previous decisions without discussion. Only in this way there is a chance to fix something.
Choice to tell yourself.
I fell, made a mistake, but everything is OK with me.
I myself choose to give overwhelming importance to what other people think of myself. Now I will choose differently.
I got dirty in someone else's negativity, but my time is too precious to be stuck on a negative episode indefinitely.
My life is invaluable to spend it on waiting for the right inner states.
Where did I get this?
I just chose this
And I prove my choice by action.
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