Why Doesn't The Psychologist Give Answers, But Asks Questions?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

On one of the psychological forums, where I conduct consultations for free, one lovely young lady asked: Why are you asking so many questions? Where are the answers?

I was a little taken aback, because in my reality I know for sure that no one can give me answers, no matter how smart he is, but this is in my reality. But, not everyone sees it yet.

I calmed down and answered her about the fact that the situation is individual and everyone has their own, about the fact that there are no stereotyped answers, about the fact that everything is dynamic and there are no one hundred percent blanks, about the fact that no matter how smart I am, I am for I will not live her life, about the fact that I can only lead her to a solution with the help of questions, but I cannot and will not decide for her, about the fact that it is the presence of questions that helps a person to see what he has not seen before and much other. I don't know if I was heard, but the young lady disappeared.

It is a pity that many people are in the illusion that someone will decide their lives for them. It is a pity that many do not take responsibility or delay the time of its acceptance as much as possible. After all, life will inevitably create conditions under which you will definitely be forced to make your own decisions. Why wait for the hour when this will happen in a revolutionary way? After all, it is better to take responsibility gradually, evolutionarily.

I already wrote about why the psychologist does not give advice, not recommendations, mind you, but advice. Now I would like to dwell on the next question.

Why can't a psychologist give you a specific answer, but only asks questions

Imagine that you come to a psychologist in order to figure out what you should do in life. You tell him your hobbies, the path that you have passed in the context of searching for your business, describe the rake that you stepped on, and so on. The psychologist listens to you attentively, summarizes what you said, asks a couple of additional questions and gives the result.

Let's say he can say that based on what has been said, you should take up drawing, because you told him that you have talent. And you can't close your eyes to talent. You leave the meeting happy and contented, quit your past boring job and start drawing. And here you are faced with difficulties that you did not even know about, with lack of money, for example, or with competition, with the fact that your back hurts from constant sitting, with the fact that your paintings are not in demand, with the fact that in reality you don't want to spend so much time painting….

Then you come to a psychologist and say that because he told you to do this and that, you are now at the point that you absolutely do not like. Who's guilty? Psychologist.

This is a completely banal example, which shows only one aspect of this question - the accusation of the psychologist that he gave the wrong answer. Then the question arises for you. Let's say the psychologist was wrong, but it was you who made the decision to obey him. After all, it is you who are responsible for how you live your life and you cannot hide from this responsibility. If at the first stage of this story you managed to avoid responsibility: the decision was made for you by the psychologist, then at the second stage - the consequences of this decision - you will not be able to dodge the consequences.

So it might be more profitable to take an active part in your life already at the decision-making level?

Responsibility and guilt were sorted out.

Further.

Subjective view

The situation is the same. You told everything, told, the psychologist asked a couple of questions, you are waiting for a verdict / answer.

The psychologist gives you the same answer to the mountain, they say, you need to do drawing, since you have talent. You are happy and satisfied…. bye … a psychologist too. Why?

Have you ever wondered that the psychologist, perhaps, also wanted to draw in childhood? And at the expense of you can he realize at least partially his suppressed dreams?

Of course, working out your own desires, fears, repressed complexes, unlived feelings, unsaid grievances, unconscious motivations - all this is a necessary part of training a good specialist, but some unprocessed feelings still remain.

A psychologist cannot completely "whiten" himself, therefore, all the answers / advice that he will give you, he will give through his own prism.

Even if the person is fully worked out and will not hang their own introjects on you, you will not deny that there are several ways to solve the problem. A psychologist, for example, sees solutions to your question in one way. And you, for example, could have acted differently if you took responsibility, if you did not give it to a psychologist.

If you do not take responsibility, then you have no idea what you could do, for you it is a dark forest, you cannot calculate anything, you cannot see the whole picture of your life. If you don't take responsibility, then you don't seem to take your life for yourself. It is as if you are watching it from the sidelines, it is as if the theater you came to for the first time, and you have no idea what the plot of the play is, who the characters are. Some even manage not to ask about the name of the performance.

Imagine that you can be a director, that you are behind the scenes and see the whole process from the inside. Imagine that you can create this action, come up with a plot, select actors, choose outfits.

Of course, there may be circumstances that do not depend on you, for example, you raised the rent for the hall or some actor got sick and needs to be replaced urgently. Yes, there are circumstances that do not depend on you, but you yourself create a huge number of plots.

Let's go back to the psychologist

The psychologist has his own movie, you have yours.

A psychologist is the person who learned to create his own movie, he learned to recognize his desires, learned to separate his feelings from others imposed from outside, learned to formulate thoughts and understand what needs are behind them, he learned to hear what his body is talking about, learned to listen to sensations.

And most importantly, he learned to take responsibility for his life precisely because he realized that it is finite, and no one can live it for him. And he suddenly wanted to live it the way he wants.

A psychologist can teach you this, he can lead you to this door, but you will have to open it and enter it yourself. Good luck!