Happiness Is Still Not For Me. Reflections Of A Psychotherapist

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I remember very well how often at the beginning of my career as a psychotherapist, I came to the supervisor and complained in horror that X meetings had already passed, and the client was still not moving, we were all marking time and trampling, traveling from one dead end to another.

“Poor thing,” she told me, “are you again failing to deliver the goods on time?

It was overwhelming for me that sometimes it takes so long to look for the door for changes, the client is still unhappy and dissatisfied with himself and me at the same time, and the client's request does not mean his willingness to deal with himself in all not too decent details that are revealed along the way.

Many professionals, especially beginners, are struggling to find the positive - in feelings, behavior, immediate results of the client's work. They do, of course. Trust an experienced optimist, good things can be found in almost any situation, the question "Why?" And why are we in such a hurry to remove the negative somewhere out of sight? Negative and positive, in essence, are good only in photography, an attempt to cram our everyday experiences into them usually does not give anything sensible. Anger, jealousy, aggression, pain, confusion, weakness usually fall into "negative experiences". Well, really, who is after pain? We are not masochists, masochists are not us.

When the therapist is afraid of negative, hard, unpleasant emotions and begins to push the process forward with all his might, he often "drowns" it and the results of therapy may be superficial and will not last long. Because an important part of the work process is getting to know, respecting, hugging and embracing your dark, unloved and painful side. Pull her out into the light. Yes, yes, this is perhaps the main secret, to learn how to meet with the inner demons and look them in the eyes. And even make friends with them. Well, that's for sure to conduct a dialogue. The result is usually a side effect, as happiness is a side effect of life.

Whether we accept ourselves or not, it is still difficult for us. As the saying goes, the phrase "I have to go to Paris on business urgently" is still going hard - in parts. Because acceptance inside us is firmly connected with the cessation of all and all kinds of changes, although just accepting ourselves, we finally stop floundering in the swamp, sinking deeper and deeper, and we finally have the strength to look around and whistle, for example, Sivka-Burka to the rescue.

The same is true for therapy. A therapist who is incapable of accepting a client is a professional incompetence, like an armless boxer. At the same time, therapy based solely on acceptance kills the client's hope of the possibility of change, since it ignores the fact that a person came because his life has become at least uncomfortable, and more often - unbearable. Therefore, a relationship with a reasonably good therapist is built on a balance between frustration and support, between acceptance and a strategy for change.

And if you think that other relationships look different, I have to disappoint you.