2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We are all passive-aggressive in one situation or another. What's more, sometimes holding back or passively expressing anger is a healthy defense mechanism. So how can you tell where is passive aggression and where is healthy containment of emotions? It's all about how unexpressed aggression prevents you from living and spoils relationships with others. Let's say you've got a new job and you don't like your boss's behavior. Most likely, you will not tell him directly about your displeasure, but you will not blindly follow all his orders. This is then healthy defensive behavior until you understand the situation, understand the rules of the new community, and find the right way to take care of yourself. If sabotage and disagreement become the only way to communicate in different spheres of life, then there is a problem and it needs to be solved. How to recognize passive aggression? The main thing to know about passive-aggressive behavior is always covert protest and passive disobedience instead of openly expressing your displeasure. The passive aggressor does not speak directly about what he does not like, and on the contrary, he can say “everything is fine” or “I am not angry”, while he is very angry, which confuses others. Instead of talking and clarifying the situation, he restrains anger, harbors resentment, accumulates discontent, and then resorts to tricks and manipulations to take revenge. 10 signs of passive aggression
1. Criticism and contempt for people in power.
2. “Forgetting” about agreements and obligations.
3. Indignation at fair remarks from others.
4. Stubbornness and irritability when unwilling to do something.
5. Protest and sabotage in case of unwillingness to do something.
6. Procrastination and missed deadlines when unwilling to do something.
7. Failure to fulfill their part of the work in a common cause.
8. Confidence that others do not see or appreciate the effort.
9. Desire to make others feel guilty.
10. Spitefulness, vindictiveness and counting. 2 examples of passive aggression. 1. The wife agrees to watch football with her husband and does not pretend that she is not interested, and then punishes him with a refusal to have sex under the pretext of not feeling well. 2. Husband is late for wedding anniversary dinner on the pretext of being very busy when in fact punishing wife for refusing to have sex. A passive-aggressive person is in a relationship with himself and not with a partner. Relationships in which problems are hushed up and not discussed will gradually fade away. The reason for passive aggression is a strong fear of rejection for the manifestation of negative emotions. This fear is formed in childhood, when parents love a child only for good behavior, and they are punished for crying and showing aggression. The child learns that it is not safe to openly express anger. How to respond to passive aggression? If your relationship is dear to you and you want to reach out to your partner, try the next method. 10 rules for dealing with passive partner aggression 1. Be patient.
2. Don't be hostile, it will complicate things.
3. Choose a suitable time to talk.
4. Tell us about the problem as correctly as possible.
5. Tell us how you feel when your partner behaves this way.
6. Find a solution that works for both of you.
7. Follow the agreements on your part.
8. Do not go to confrontation if the partner does not comply with the agreements.
9. Show that your relationship is a safe place.
10. Be patient. The ability to express your dissatisfaction, the inevitable clash of views and opinions is an integral part of healthy communication of adults. As well as the ability to speak openly about your needs. If you feel that you are too often passive-aggressive, and this interferes with your relationship, it makes sense to contact a psychologist and work on it.
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