How To Deal With A Man Who Humiliates You?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How to deal with a man who humiliates you?

In my article, I want to support and give recommendations to all girls and women who feel humiliated in a relationship with a man. Perhaps you are just dating or have already started a family and have children. The status is irrelevant in this problem. The main thing is that you feel bad and most likely you do not understand what is happening. I am familiar with this problem firsthand. Not only from the experience of working with clients, but also from personal life experience. I know how painful it is when you are not appreciated and respected, they do not see you as a person and do not want to see you. I have lived through many grievances, tears of insults, humiliations and many other unpleasant experiences. Having passed this difficult path, I can say for sure: Everything that is not done is for the best

Where it is important to start:

1. Understand the problem.

Don't worry, everything happens on time. If you start to notice that your beloved man humiliates and insults you, constantly expresses dissatisfaction with you, attacks verbally without reason, speaks offensive words, then you need to think about why this is happening and when this behavior began. Now the same thing sounds in my head: “I remember everything you said to me, every hurtful word hurts my soul. You want to cry and shut yourself off from your partner and not talk to him. But this behavior will not change the situation. Only a constructive dialogue with conveying your feelings can help to correct the attitude towards you.

2. Take off your rose-colored glasses.

Perhaps your partner has always been like this, only at the beginning of the relationship, being in love with him, you did not notice anything. Were not so attentive to your chosen one and his behavior. And if they did, they found excuses. And it is possible that your man simply does not know how to constructively express complaints and it is difficult for you to hear, behind the stream of insults and reproaches, what your partner wants to convey to you. Each case is individual, like each person.

3. Look at your pain.

Now it seems to you that as a person you are losing yourself or have lost yourself for a long time. You feel fear of loneliness, anxiety about the future, and self-doubt. And the most unpleasant thing is pain that does not go away day or night. It is so strong that you cannot cope and try to drown it out with your friends, alcohol, new purchases. Such actions help to distract from the feeling of pain, but do not solve problems. And it is important to see where the pain comes from, where the source of suffering is.

4. It is important not to try to change your partner.

“What to do and how to be?” - you ask yourself in deep despair. And, of course, the first thing you want to do is to understand the behavior of a man and understand what is wrong with him. Why is he doing this? Because it seems to you that by understanding the reasons for his behavior, you can change him. Only this is an illusion. You can figure out the reasons for his behavior. But just what will it do? It is impossible to change another person, especially an adult, formed personality. For your man to change, first of all, you need his desire and aspiration. Any "breakdowns" in a relationship can be fixed, provided that two people want it.

5. Examine your real self

Let's go back to reality and accept the fact that you have never lost yourself. You have always been. And you are. You just do not like your idea of yourself in this relationship and with this man. In fact, there is an internal conflict between the image "I-real" and "I-ideal". Here's an example: Here is your man yelling at you that the house is a constant mess and you are a bad housewife. You hear his claim and begin to think that he is probably right, because I cannot keep the house in perfect order and because of such thoughts, your self-esteem decreases. You already in all seriousness consider yourself a bad hostess. There are many similar examples. The main thing to understand is that you do not value and understand yourself. And here there is important work on oneself, which would be good to do together with a psychologist. I want to warn you right away that this may be unpleasant work, since it is aimed at your personality. But she is worth it to look at the relationship in a new way and find contact with herself. Confidently stand on your own two feet, to put it metaphorically. Your task is to learn to have fun for yourself first. How can you be happy in a relationship with someone else if you don't feel happy.

6. Determine the boundaries of admissibility of the relationship.

Ask yourself the question: "How did I end up in a relationship in which I feel bad and they destroy me?" Indeed, for some reason, you have chosen and fell in love with this man from all men. The reasons may lie deep in the subconscious and not be realized. It is also important to understand that there is a relationship boundary. That is, that area of relations in which you can still do something, but there is an area of relations where changes are impossible a priori. And some facts will be obvious. You just need to try to accept them. And decide for yourself what you are ready for for the sake of the relationship, and what not. It takes a certain amount of time to make a choice.

7. Realize grudges against parents

If your man insults you, raises his voice, then you allow him to insult you and shout. And if your man raises his hand to you, then you allowed him to treat you like that. You are not to blame, it is just that at this stage you cannot OTHERWISE. It is important to consider in more detail what is hidden in this permission. What are the values, beliefs, defense mechanisms. It is worth examining in detail the past childhood experience. Separately, your relationship with your mom, separately your relationship with your dad. If there are unsettled grievances against your parents, they are clearly transferred to your relationship with your partner. Resentment is a destructive emotion. There is a lot of conscious or unconscious sadness, anger in it, which must be lived and released.

8. Give up toxic relationships.

When a man in a relationship humiliates, shouts, raises his hand to you, think, do you really need this man and this relationship? Do you really want to constantly suffer and cry? And if the decisive answer is "NO", find the strength and courage to say goodbye. Let him go.

I can help you discover scenarios that get you into trouble and make choices that don't suit you. We can work on these topics together.

Anna Koroleva

Psychologist

099 232 82 99 (Viber, WhatsApp)