2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-15 16:05
Every time I come across a client's problem: distrust, distrust, fear of close relationships.
I already want to scream, but I can't scream: most of you just never had a close relationship, there was never a relationship at all.
How can you be afraid of a relationship if there was none?
Do you think I'm wrong? Do you mind?
Before you start giving me my reasons, I will give mine.
Relationships can be interpersonal. Therefore, only individuals can participate in them. And personalities - no or very few.
- Freedom, freedom of choice as well. A person will never say: "It happened so" … He will say: "I choose, I decided." He will never do something against his will, under the pressure of violence, manipulation or guilt.
- Responsibility for the beginning, course and result of the process. And if the result is not satisfactory, then he will not blame others. What will happen? He will adjust his behavior to obtain the desired result. He will not say that he cannot start doing something (lose weight, work, launch a project). What will happen? Will do! Will be responsible for their feelings, thoughts and actions. And he will not make others happy by feeling unhappy.
- Borders. To be a person, you must separate yourself from what is not my person. Know your boundaries clearly and be able to defend them.
- Cheating … It’s so scary to tell the truth: suddenly they don’t understand, they don’t understand correctly, they condemn, criticize.
- Trying to please, to be good, to be liked, often to the detriment of oneself and one's interests.
- Playing rolesthat have nothing to do with who you really are. Someone wears a mask "shirt-guy", someone is a "formidable husband", someone is a "weak woman", someone is a "strong woman". In which performance, may I ask you, are you participating?
- You hide your feelings, do not talk about your needs, about what you want. At the same time, for some reason, we are sure that the partner MUST GUESS about your desires and needs. Why did it happen? Is he psychic? Telepath?
Personality has a set of certain qualities. For example:
In a relationship, you need to BE, that is, represent yourself and your interests. What are you doing?
And to be honest, you don't see a person in your partner
He is for you a TOOL (way) of solving problems. Someone flees from loneliness, and marries "the first comer." Someone lacks the attribute of success, and then the main thing is that you can boast about a beauty in front of your friends. No money - you need a rich man, no housing - you need an apartment
And mistrust appears here and at this moment
Because, looking at a potential partner, you think: "What if he cannot cope with solving my problems?" And of course, he will NOT cope! After all, these are your problems, and only you can solve them. Just like his problems can only be solved by himself. And when he fails - you summarize:
"Not real" … "weakling" or even "traitor !!!"
And then: “I can do everything myself, I have everything. Why do I need a husband? " Truth - there is no need. A partner is necessary in order to reveal and develop one's own through the disclosure and cognition of the mystery of another person … It is impossible to develop what is not.
And before you hang the labels "scoundrel", "scoundrel", "bitch", take care of yourself and the development of your personality. And then you will discover a huge world of people you can trust, with whom you can enter into relationships and learn what real intimacy is.
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