2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There is a special place in the universe. It seems to be easier to breathe there and think … There the trees are big and strong. And the paths remember our little footprints. This is the country of our childhood …
We are in a hurry to return to a place where the present time was a bright future, and adults seemed very big and unattainable. And I really wanted to become an adult myself.
I wonder if we felt so good in childhood, then why were many in a hurry to grow up?..
According to the Swiss psychologist Alice Miller, from birth we receive an invaluable gift - this is the ability to be, experience our life and act accordingly. The drama of a child gifted with these talents consists in the fact that his behavior, his feelings, and his very life itself may turn out to be just means serving certain needs of his parents.
A child without bargaining exchanges his gift for "love", "recognition" and "care" of parents. But at the same time he loses his own life, loses himself …
You don't need to be perfect to be loved!..
“What nonsense,” you say. “Well, is it possible for parents to treat their children like that? Can they not love their child? …
First, we need to define the concept of "LOVE". What it is?
You have someone who is fully or partially dependent on you, and you seem to have some rights to him … To have power over someone whose life depends on your participation has nothing to do with love !. …
To have power over someone does not mean to love him!
Taking control of someone can feel like caring. People strive to ensure that everything is according to their rules, prescriptions, templates. But in such a relationship, the other person (child, adult) has no inner freedom. And if this is a child, then it will be difficult for him to learn to soberly navigate in the world around him.
To control is not to love!..
Love cannot be the desire to use another person in order to fulfill your unfulfilled dreams with his help.
A mother can persistently impose on her daughter the idea that she should become what she herself could not become. But she does it by touch, in a dark space, where you cannot see who is taking the most delicious apple from the table …
Realizing your dreams at the expense of your children is not love!..
What is there in love? How to understand, feel, comprehend, touch it?..
Let's start with TRUST. A person who is able to trust is hardly going to surround you with control!
To trust means to believe that the other person can control his own life and make independent decisions. The more trust, the less control …
Trust is an important facet of love!..
Try to UNDERSTAND another person, and not impose on him your understanding, your vision - this is important in a relationship! We adults often do not try to understand our children. We believe that we know and understand better how to live … And some adults are generally convinced that children do not have their own opinion.
If you are interested in your partner and his inner world, you will try to UNDERSTAND him!
The desire to understand can be a manifestation of love!..
The DESIRE TO BE NEARBY, to spend time together, and not to avoid, to hide in work, is also an important attribute of a relationship. But this does not mean that you have a need for round-the-clock contact. Here we are already talking about symbiosis, and not about more adult relationships.
The desire to plan, to spend time together is present when you love!
People often confuse caring with control, and the desire to dominate with participation and concern. CARING for a partner means taking into account his needs. But when we realize our needs through influence and, supposedly, help to another, then this has nothing to do with care!
Love is caring!
RESPECT for a person, for his inner world, his position, which may differ significantly from yours, expands the boundaries of love.
Respect is a significant attribute of love!
To love means not to be afraid to talk about what does not suit you in the relationship, what you don’t like about it. Because love is not about being perfect. This is about reality, about living people who have shortcomings and the right to make mistakes …
Love is not about perfection, but about living people!
Confusion with the concept of "love" arises because everyone puts their own meaning, their understanding into it. And often we demand from other people what they are not able to give us. How can we give someone something that we ourselves do not have? We can give the “love” that we received from our parents. It looks like an inheritance that is different for everyone …
Love is not a vow made in youth. This is a special territory, a bridge to other worlds …
Love is not something special, out of the ordinary, exclusive. This is what we need from birth …
Love is not a capsule in which to hide from the world. She is - the world in which you want to live, create and find yourself!..
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