2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Any person is afraid of something. I don't know anyone who has no fears. Someone is afraid of heights (the most common fear) and therefore does not go out into open spaces in multi-storey buildings and can hardly endure flights. Someone is frightened of spiders until they lose consciousness. Others cannot perform in public without trembling knees. Many people are afraid of the dark, the unknown and incomprehensible in this frightening darkness. Some cannot get used to the idea that we are not eternal and will die someday. Yes, everyone is afraid. Only a person with Urbach-Vite disease does not feel fear, this is a genetic disease in which there is no feeling of danger and fear. A person does not perceive mortal dangers, perhaps they are damaged or there are violations in the development of the amygdala structures of the brain.
What is fear? Fear is a reaction to danger, both real and for no apparent reason, which exists only in the human psyche. It can also be assumed that a person begins to be afraid when he does not have an inner sense of security, which is formed in childhood. It is difficult in an adult state to maintain a sense of security within oneself when there was no such experience in the past.
Yes, the feeling that the child is safe is very important for him, but the main thing is not to overdo it. guardianship beyond all measure is also harmful. This causes them no less suffering than parents who cannot be relied on. This leads to the fact that the child does not understand what is happening, becomes confused and begins to feel a sense of fear.
It is imperative that parents try to maintain the integrity of the family. This, and the support of important adults enables the child to be protected from the unforeseen. the world around the child is mostly incomprehensible and unexplored. It takes time and energy for him to gradually get to know the disturbing unknown moments of the world and life. Each child has its own pace and peculiarities in the need for parental protection. The protection of the child from himself, his fears and anxieties during the expansion of the boundaries of the world is also provided. And they can sometimes be just as destructive as external factors.
At any age and in a relationship with any person, it is important to respond to him, without an emotional response, spontaneous and sincere manifestation does not make sense. This is especially important for children because without spontaneity, sincerity and openness, they will not be able to develop correctly and various deviations, including fears, arise.
How to deal with fears? The first step is to come to a sense of security. This is true both as a child and as an adult. Only after that you can proceed to the next stage - the fight against the defense. Seems absurd? But in fact, this struggle allows you to gradually expand your world and those fears that were earlier will seem ridiculous and no longer so significant. At the moment, it is very important to have a person to rely on and who can withstand such ambivalence. For a child, these are parents, for an adult - close understanding people, ideally - a psychoanalyst. Recovering and getting rid of fears comes: when you acquire enough faith in yourself, your strength; external control is replaced by internal; external protection is replaced by an internal sense of security.
If you need help dealing with your fears, you can turn to me for help and support.
Mikhail Ozhirinsky - psychoanalyst, group analyst
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