Say A Word About A Poor Parent Or What We Bring To Our Relationship With Our Children From Our Childhood

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Our ideas about the upbringing of children stem not so much from pedagogical and psychological literature as from our childhood experience. From those relationships that we developed with our own parents. We can relate to this in different ways: as a heavy load or as a source of wisdom. It is important to realize where the story is about me, and where about my child …

Many of us, as parents, try not to repeat the mistakes and mistakes that our own parents made.

There are at least two options for the development of this plot in the scenario behavior of the parents:

· I I will never raise my children, as my parents raised me.

Such a parent will have a lot of reasons to do just that, abandoning the parenting methods that he has tried on himself.

Another option is when I know for sure that my parents raised me to be a decent, honest, moral person.

· I will follow the parenting guidelines and parenting methods that my parents applied to me

Some parents rush between the first and second options of upbringing, devoting a lot of time to doubts: "Am I raising my child correctly?"

Indeed, our parents raised us lovingly, which, however, did not prevent them from “spoiling” and complicating our life.

Our childhood problems, fears, insecurities, we have taken into our adult life. Each of us has his own "baggage" and this "baggage" generously shares with his child. Our past finds its place and reflection in today's life!

When raising our children, whether we want it or not, we unconsciously solve our problems, which are rooted in our distant childhood.

Let's talk about this in more detail, highlighting only some aspects of the parent-child relationship

· Excessive parental care as an unnatural, increased level of care. It is needed not so much by children as by the parents themselves, filling their unfulfilled and often acute need for affection and love.

An important role in this case is played by factors associated with the childhood of mothers, many of whom themselves grew up in families without warmth and parental love. Therefore, they are determined to give their children what they themselves did not receive.

· There are parents who constantly arrive in worrying doubts about their child, they get lost every time they encounter something new in the child's behavior.

Most likely, they were brought up in families where parental control was much greater than the possibility of admitting the idea that the child could at least sometimes independently solve his pressing childhood problems.

· There may also be such an option when the parents do not know whether it is possible to punish a child for a misdemeanor or an action that does not correspond to the ideas of the parents themselves about the norms of behavior. Or, resorting to punishment for a misdemeanor, they immediately believe that they were wrong?

In this situation, the future parent-child experienced the full brunt of parental punishment. He was often in a state of humiliation and no voice in the family.

It could be that punishment was a rare part of his life. And now, having become a parent, he can only focus on the benefit or harm of the punishment itself, not noticing the true reason for the child's negative behavior. As if it is important only to make a decision, and not to investigate the causes of the problem.

The knowledge and feelings arising from the experience of being punished or not being punished, which he brought from childhood, overshadow his own real child for him, he simply does not notice him, he lives in the vacuum of his childhood ideas about how to “educate”.

It is not uncommon for parents who are perfect in everything to know the correct answer to any question. In this case, they are unlikely to be able to fulfill the most important parental task - to bring up in the child the need for independent search and for learning new things.

But you never know what kind of parents there are, one thing is important: they want happiness for their child!

On this path, parents face many difficulties, because everyone has different ideas about happiness.

A pillar on the path to intelligent parenting can be

• the ability to separate your needs and desires from the needs and desires of the child.
• remember about the peculiarities of the child's age.
• about what and how a child may or may not do, not only because of “correct or incorrect upbringing,” but precisely because of his characteristics, temperament, and the environment in which he is.

Parents must create a safe psychological environment in which the child will develop.

Only then comes the most difficult thing: the child must be released, he is already an adult and has his own desires and needs, which can be very different from the aspirations of the parents, who "put their whole soul into, and he …".

Let's not be pessimists.

The personalities of the parents really play a significant role in the life of every person. It is no coincidence that we mentally address our parents, especially our mother, in a difficult moment of life. Parental care is essential to support the very life of the child. And the need for parental love is a vital need of a small human being. The love of every child for their parents is unconditional and unlimited.

If in the first years of life, love for parents ensures the life and safety of the child, then as they grow up, it becomes more and more performs the function of maintaining the safety of the inner, emotional and psychological world of a person, is a source of maintaining bodily and mental health.

The first and foremost task of parents is to create confidence in the child that he is loved and cared for. Never, under no circumstances should a child have doubts about parental love. The most natural and most necessary of all responsibilities of a parent is to treat a child at any age with love and attention.

There are those parents who believe that in no case should you show your love to children, believing that when a child knows him well, they love him, this leads to spoiledness, selfishness, and selfishness.

This is absolutely not the case!

All these unfavorable personality traits arise precisely when there is a lack of love, when an emotional deficit is created, when a child is deprived of a solid foundation of attachment.