How To Bring Back Intimacy In A Relationship? Relationship Psychology

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Intimate intimacy in a relationship solves all problems in a couple by 95%. How to bring back emotional closeness between partners

The first and most important point - is there a trusting dialogue between you and your partner? It is confidential, and not communication, when you throw insults, accusations, demands at each other, report some expectations. Confidential dialogue involves deep conversation between partners when you share your feelings and experiences

If you understand that over a long time, resentments, worries, unspoken anger have accumulated, and in general the relationship has practically collapsed, this is a signal for a regular "negotiating table" with your partner (at least once a week, discuss what and who does not suit you). However, it is important here not to blame a loved one, not to attack him so that he has to defend himself from you, but to build a dialogue in such a way that he hears and understands your pain. Listen to your partner and hear his pain, understand what painful points you could touch. Your task in this dialogue is, first of all, to understand a loved one, and then to bear your pain.

When one of you takes the first step, the second will reach for it (you must admit, it will be difficult not to hear you in response if you heard your partner's pain). And here it is important to say: “Sorry, I'm sorry that you perceived my words in this way. That's not what I meant at all, and I didn't want to hurt you. I do not believe that the fault lies with me, but I fully understand your pain."

Learn to share childhood traumas with your partner and thereby explain why you reacted in this way when he was about to hurt you. This is the only way you will be able to relate to a loved one with greater understanding and the next time keep silent in a similar situation (or you will not use painful phrases to smooth out the conversation). In reality, everything happens automatically, if you realize what kind of mines you are stepping on in your partner's soul.

Develop the skill to simultaneously hear and talk about your feelings, traumas, experiences. This is intimacy, when you let a person into your soul, you can look into him and not get lost there, not merge with him, not absorb each other, but hear, understand and model the behavior of each of you for the next similar situation. An important point - each of the partners should have no conviction that the other will not understand, will not hear, he does not care. No it is not! And if you have confidence that your partner is able to hear, you will speak, then the dialogue will be built by itself. Communication is also creativity, you need to be able to adapt to your partner, adapt to different situations. At some moments a person can be very vulnerable, at some less - and this is a different model of behavior (somewhere a joke is suitable, but somewhere a comic remark will cause deep resentment). That is why, be extremely attentive to your partner and to what is happening in his inner life. Couple is the ability to share inner life, hear and notice it.

Relationship support. You must always support each other. Remember that in relationships, each of us is as vulnerable as children are, and any word can hurt a partner in the very heart and sink deep in the soul. Be careful in your statements, in evaluating a loved one. If your partner complains, shares difficulties, first of all, support him, even if you see that he is wrong in a working relationship (for example, he had a fight with colleagues at work, considers them idiots): “I sympathize that this is happening in your life. It is a pity that the team is so strange and uncoordinated, and reacts in this way."

Of course, if you notice his true behavior, you should talk about the energy that he brings to the working relationship, but this is best done when the partner asks you directly, tortured by the constantly arising unpleasant situations: “Well, why? Why does everything repeat itself at each new workplace? " ("Are you ready to hear the answer? It will be a little criticism. Are you ready to hear it now?"). Ask the person directly if he will be able to perceive the truth - perhaps, in this case, on the contrary, he wants to hear words of consolation because of his emotional state (“Tell me everything when I’m ready!”). You can also talk about this topic with your partner, when he is the most resourceful, he has a great mood, but even in this case, you should start gently (“Regarding your working relationship with colleagues … I thought for a long time, and I have something to say but it will be rather unpleasant to hear. Do you want to hear my feedback? Maybe you will take into account my words, or maybe you will spit them out without thinking about anything - your right."

Understand for yourself that all this is done to support your partner, and not to show him: "Aha, you are like this with me, you behave like that!" This is a road to nowhere, and you should not destroy your relationship, because there will certainly be a response (if not explicitly, then in the form of passive aggression after a while).

Put the relationship first - only in this case, you will always look for ways to make peace with your partner, improve the relationship in a couple and make them closer. However, do not be fanatic about this! If you constantly put pressure on a loved one (“Let's be close, let's talk openly more often!”), This causes some rejection. Every day, not a single relationship will be able to talk about some problems, so sometimes pause, swallow grievances, endure at some points, start keeping a personal diary, go to a psychologist - you need to learn how to contain your experiences; and at the moment when your partner is ready to listen to everything, talk to him.

In addition, it is very important not to merge with someone else's opinion about your loved one, this mistake is quite common, especially among girls. For example, a friend or even a mother told you that men do not behave this way, this is not a man's act. As a result, someone else's outlook on life becomes a priority for you than the beliefs of your husband, and this really hurts the male half. There may be another situation when men are very much emotionally merged with their mother (in the morning they wake up and immediately call, during the day they call and report where they were and what they did), then the woman has a feeling of a "third extra", as if the couple still lives with my partner's mom.

Keep the opinions of sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts in the background, they should not be included in the boundaries of your relationship. The relationship is you and your partner! Establish clear and secure boundaries that each of you must adhere to (break - problems will arise). Conversations about support will be useless if the loved one feels that you are including someone else in the relationship and someone else's opinion matters more than your own.

Relationships in a couple are not always rosy and happy - if you feel good together most of the time, this is already wonderful. Asking for support and consolation is quite normal; every partner has the right to do so. However, often when we complain to relatives, friends (all those who are a resource and support for us) about our soul mate, we only say bad things about a person, and good things are missed (going to complain about a husband is the norm, but brag about cleaning the apartment hardly anyone can). As a rule, in such situations, our resource person also forgets to think about the fact that today there was a quarrel in the family, and tomorrow you will hug and forget about the negative - usually these moments are not customary to discuss. That is why you should not pay attention to the opinion of other people about your husband, protect him (even from others!) - yes, today he did not do very well, but in general he remained a wonderful person.