Teenage Love And Overcoming The Prohibition To Manifest

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This is a story of how love initiates transformation and brings change to our lives.

Usually at the beginning of a seminar on overcoming the prohibition to manifest, I ask people to draw this very prohibition. There are repetitive motives, for example, the image of a cell, or the motive of chaos, or a point within empty space, or rods that encompass something. But sometimes a person makes a drawing that has never been there before. And now a new participant, I will call him Innocent, drew a large red exclamation mark in the center of the sheet. Innokenty is a man of about forty years old who is great at writing and formulating thoughts in writing, but expressing himself in life, in personal communication is a big problem. At that very moment when he feels something or when a thought comes, he cannot express it directly, and instead of making contact, he goes into theorizing and comprehension. He said to himself that he teaches philosophy, develops his own direction, and as a teacher he is quite successful. And in contacts with people, he lacks liveliness. He lives alone, not married, no children.

We started working with him, and I offered to play the role of an exclamation mark, to tell what he was saying. This was unusual for Innokenty, as for any person who is asked for the first time to play the role of his own metaphor. I continued to talk to him: “You are an exclamation mark, please tell me how you feel about Innocent? What are you telling him? What are you doing for him? " He replied: "I protect him from risk." I asked how long ago the exclamation mark had been together with Innocent, and here he could not make up his mind and say exactly in what period of his life he had appeared. Feeling his uncertainty, I asked Innocent to step out of the role of his prohibition and sit on the chair opposite, in the role of himself, talking with an exclamation mark. How will his words respond in this role?

From the new role, Innokenty spoke with much more firmness and certainty. He said that there was a period of childhood when he did not have this stupor in communicating with people, he was quite free. It turns out that the exclamation mark appeared later in his life. But when exactly?

Here Innokenty really got into theorizing. He made several assumptions, but with such intonation and facial expressions that it was difficult to believe in any of them - it seemed that he himself still had no idea when exactly his ban appeared.

I invited him to look at this scene from the mirror, asked the other participants in the training to step into the role and pronounce his words. Thus, he once again heard the conversation of the elements of his inner world. And after that he responded with great certainty:

- I know exactly when it appeared. I was 17 years old, I had a girlfriend, but I didn't behave very well with her. I hung out, drank, paid attention to other girls. She asked me not to behave like that, but I did not pay attention to her words. In the end, she left me. And I came to her many times, asked her to stay, grovel in front of her, but she did not believe me, did not return. I remember she asked me to accompany her on a date with a new young man. It was late, I went to see her off. And then I could not resist, I so wanted to know what was happening, that I followed them, went to the house, stood nearby and overheard them making love. And he was disgusted with himself at that moment. The next day she left, I came to see her off, and she behaved as if nothing had happened. And I let her know that I was there and heard what was happening. I didn't even let her know at that moment, but I wrote a letter to her the next day. Time passed, I again tried to return her, came to her, begged her. But she firmly told me: "No, you can't turn back the past."

I listened to Innocent, looked at him and saw what he was talking about and never once raised his eyes either to me or to the group, he looked down, as if talking to the floor. This made me feel uncomfortable. I said: “I am listening to you now and I see that you are only looking at the floor. It seems to me that you, being with us, are at the same time lonely. I don't know how to make sure that you are not alone."

Innokenty replied: "Yes, I say that because I am ashamed to tell how I humiliated myself and grovel in front of her."

Then I saw this story from the other side - and sympathized with him. I think I and other people also know the moments of love obsession, the moments when it seems that you are ready for anything to be with a person. I asked: "Perhaps you were very much in love?" He nodded.

After that, he raised his eyes and then began to talk to us.

It happens that in stories like Innocent's about the impossibility of establishing contact with people, it is the unfinished parting that becomes the prompting incident, so I asked how he broke up with this woman. Did they manage to really end the relationship? Did they talk normally? Did he express all the feelings he had about the breakup? As it turned out, no: when Innokenty realized that she could not be returned, he was found by some sectarians, he joined them and was with them for a long time. Then he moved to the capital, began to work and study, and took up philosophy.

It seemed to me that now Innokenty could say more from the role of the exclamation mark, and I asked him to return to it again, after which I asked the question:

- You appeared in Innokenty's life as a teenager, who are you?

- I am his conscience. I am this girl with whom he broke up.

- What is your name?

- Faith.

I suggested Innocent to talk to his girlfriend, to tell her, perhaps, something that he never said, to say goodbye to her and let her go and this situation.

He sat down in front of the chair on which the participant was sitting in the role of Vera. He told her: “You know, my mother said last year that you came to our house. You live not far. I found out that I was not, and asked to give your phone number so that I could call. But I didn't call you then or now. But what I want to tell you is that I am very grateful to you that you broke up with me then. If not for this, I would have stayed in our city, would have continued to drink, I would have lived a rather meaningless life. And so I began to grow, I began to learn and look for my meaning. I grew up a lot, I learned something that I did not even know about. I am very grateful to you. But I won't call you."

I invited him to sit down in the role of Vera and listen to these words and listen to what responds to them. And when the participant repeated the words from the role of himself, I asked what in him responded from the role of Vera. He replied: "If I were a real Faith, I would have burst into tears." And then he returned to the role of himself and said: "If I were really talking to her, I would have burst into tears too."

This concludes the session. I asked the other participants to share how they felt seeing this scene; it turned out that for some reason it is very difficult for almost everyone to express, they cannot find words. As if they are afraid to offend a person. I nevertheless laid out my cards with feelings and said that they have the right to feel whatever they want, and do not have to make excuses for it.

Then the participants became bolder, gradually began to answer me. And it's great when people can be aware of how they are feeling.

A month and a half later, Innokenty said that he felt a change in himself. He became more responsive and relaxed, sometimes even too open, "with all the giblets." And he doesn't know if he likes it. On the one hand, being open is much more pleasant and freer. But he does not yet know how to deal with it, how to find the line where openness will be sufficient, but not excessive. And this, of course, is a big question, where to find the balance in your ability to manifest.

I am sure that Innocent will eventually manage to find a balance between openness and isolation, because now he has finally returned contact with an important part of himself, which means that in any case there are more opportunities in front of him.

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Friends and colleagues, I invite you to trainings and seminars in Moscow:

Weekly Gestalt Therapy Group

with elements of writing techniques

"OVERCOMING" THE PROHIBITION OF EXISTING"

Closed group for six months

from October 4 to March 28 Oct 2018

Classes on Wednesdays from 19.00 to 21.30 (22.00)

The cost of one lesson is 2 thousand rubles. (1 thousand 700 rubles if paid per month)

Seminar "REMOVING FROM AEROPHOBIA"

15 october 2017 from 16.00 to 19.30.

Location: Paveletskaya metro station, UmTelo psychological center

You can find information on my website, and also in the section "Events"

Sign up, please, at the address indicated in the "contacts" section

or by phone 8 929 922 16 42, and you will receive all the organizational information.

I will be glad to see you!