Prohibition To Manifest And Trauma Annihilation

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The therapy of the ability to manifest is, first of all, touching the trauma of annihilation (destruction), to such a moment in life when a person has experienced the feeling of “I am killed”. It requires honesty and a lot of attention to the client's feelings.

The reason for most prohibitions usually lies in the event of a personal (sometimes family) history, when a person could not express his pain and anger to someone.

Requests can sound different. In its most general form, it is the impossibility act from a person who is beautiful knows how to do something, but for some reason can not … He is confused by the stiffness and feeling of lack of freedom that appears when he just wants to start - and therefore he does not even start. His "impulse to manifest" stops.

At one of the trainings, the participants told me about very personal problems. One woman forbade herself to show herself acting, real herself. As a child, she was praised for obedience so much and insistently that now she was afraid to be someone else. Another person was afraid to show his mind in public, believing that he might be rejected. Among other examples - the prohibition to show your emotions and your naturalness in public; “Prohibition to show your product”, to show some fruits of your own work and creativity; prohibition to show your sympathy and love.

It seemed to me that I would have time to do fifteen minutes of personal work for each, and out of inexperience I promised to do it. We put a chair in the center of the circle, and everyone had to imagine on it a person who had ever caused anger or other strong feeling that could not manifest. Alas, I miscalculated the strength and time and was able to do only half of the participants. Basically, I worked to unblock and express strong feelings - and as a result, those for whom I did not have enough time, instead, received only new experiences of blocking their feelings. They counted on personal work, but did not receive it, and at the same time they almost did not express any complaints to me. I would be glad if they clearly told me about their displeasure, but they treated me well and remained silent. As a result, for me this story - about the impossibility of expressing anger if you treat someone well - turned out to be a great lesson.

This prohibition, I think, is familiar to many of you. It seems that if you are on good terms with someone, then you can show only love to him, only acceptance, only approval. And if you suddenly get angry, then you have no right to express this anger, because he will reject you. As if your relationship won't survive the rage.

But it’s not like that. They will survive, if you express anger, the only question is in what form.

The fact is that anger (like pain, by the way), which once appeared in a person as a reaction to some action of another person, does not disappear without a trace. It has only two ways: to be expressed outside or driven inside. Often, to express anger at someone, a destructive method is used, rejection: “How did you get me,” “Fuck you,” “I don’t want to see you” - this form of expression of anger can end the relationship. If you explain your condition, try to find exact words to describe what is happening inside from this anger and pain, the likelihood of being heard, accepted and understood is much higher - and most importantly, there is a chance to maintain contact. If the prohibition on expressing anger worked and the person did not express it immediately, it will manifest itself later, perhaps already less consciously - with claims for other reasons, lateness, rejection.

Then, at the training, I still asked the participants to report on their condition. Half of them, those with whom I did not have time to work personally, without looking into my eyes, spoke of their disappointment and confusion. I still found out what was happening to them. And the good news for me was the responses of those people with whom I did the work. They reported that something very important happened for them, they feel better, as if they have taken an important step towards lifting this prohibition, it is easier for them to move and breathe.

What new have I learned about the prohibition to manifest? That it is associated with the refusal of very close people to see us and acknowledge our existence at times when we experience strong feelings.

The young woman experienced the departure of her beloved father from home at the age when she was five years old. My father came from another city, she was waiting for him, but he packed his things and began to leave. She ran after him, begging him to stay, but he paid no attention to her. She clung to his legs, ran out with him to the elevator, but he entered the elevator, the doors closed - and she fell to the floor and remained lying. She was destroyed, "killed". By his behavior, her father seemed to say to her: "I do not see you." "You are not for me." "You don't exist for me." In a psychological sense, this is annihilation, destruction - the pain is so strong that a certain block, a barrier, a prohibition to manifest itself is developed in the psyche. Inside a person who has been hurt so much, aggression is born, but it is directed not at the one who caused the pain, but inside himself, as if agreeing with what caused the pain - “when I feel bad, when I cry, I don’t exist, I I will not show myself. " In this way, a ban is created so that we can survive. And this is a good thing - for a certain period of life: the prohibition protects against re-experiencing such intense pain. But the same thing then prevents us from achieving something very important, takes away strength and deprives us of opportunities.

After some time, the father returned to the family, they continued to live together, communicate, but when his daughter tried to discuss the once happened situation with him, he still did not notice her, the girl, who is five years old, who is crying, grabs him by the legs and without feelings falls to the floor. And the very opportunity during the training, at least in a therapeutic reality, firstly, to express to him all the feelings, and secondly, to receive recognition of the fact that this has happened - the very opportunity is therapeutic. It is important to relive this moment again, to return to it, to express pain and anger in such a way that you feel that it finally hurt him, that he finally saw you. And it is equally important to notice these feelings in yourself and let the group notice them. This allows you to unblock the ban, start breathing, move, navigate the once traumatic situation - cancel the ban and give yourself the right to manifest.