2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Everyone can remember their grievances against their parents. Can they be forgiven? What to do with these grievances? You can try to look at your past from a different angle. So why did they do what they did?
They had no experience. They were young. And if you are the first child, then they simply did not have enough experience on how to raise you correctly.
Their mental resources were limited. They themselves had a hard life and they did not know where they could get their strength from. Plus still life without modern gadgets, work. All this made it impossible to transfer the resource to children.
They had their own love language. “Put on your hat! Eat! Do your homework! - in fact, a manifestation of love. Yes, even if not directly, sometimes even toxic, but a manifestation of love and care.
The parents were afraid of change. Our psyche, in principle, resists changes. they may not be for the better, but for the worse. So it's scary to come up and hug them, it's scary to say how much they love you, how proud they are, because this is new and scary for them. And it is not clear how you will react to this.
Criticism tried to protect. Perhaps by their criticism, they tried to protect you so that you do not make mistakes and achieve success. To do everything right.
What to do about it? The very first thing is not to deny and not to be silent. Better to talk, talk in psychotherapy, talk to parents, talk to loved ones. It is better to admit that you felt bad and share it than to keep everything to yourself.
Childhood injuries need to be addressed. You can do it yourself or in therapy. Better in therapy. In addition to the story itself about the hardships and grievances in childhood, it is necessary to work through all this in a therapeutic mode and gain new experience. It was in childhood that there was no choice and had to endure everything, but now there is a choice. It is possible and necessary to leave traumas in the past, to make them a memory.
Mikhail Ozhirinsky - psychoanalyst, group analyst.
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