2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Personal boundaries in the family, their preservation and maintenance is an important aspect of comfortable communication between spouses. But it is quite difficult to strictly observe them. As a rule, love, intimacy is perceived by partners as an excuse for complete merging, and sometimes even loss of oneself.
This is often cited as a typical example of how sugar tends to completely dissolve in tea. Of course, the end result is a delicious and rich drink. But still, the identity, the uniqueness of the spouses, as independent individuals, is lost.
Still, you should take into account at least a hypothetical possibility of parting. In this case, it will be extremely difficult to regain yourself. And such a paradox - the more one of the spouses strives for complete merger with a partner, the more rapidly it moves away from him.
Here, the opposite effect works, and the one who is being caught up runs away even faster from the pursuing him, albeit beloved, but very intrusive person. The origins of such non-constructive behavior of spouses are, as a rule, in childhood.
The little person, for some reason, in childhood, had to keep the attention of his parents or other close people with all his might. For this, the child tried to do everything that should please the adults who are significant to him. He involuntarily adjusted to his parents, even copied their behavior in some way.
Later, in his adult life, these patterns of behavior were transferred to the person closest to him now - his spouse, sometimes to his own child. How to deal with this condition? First of all, a co-dependent person should be aware of his problem, not avoid it, not assure himself that everything is fine, and nothing special is happening.
The spouse himself, with blurred personal boundaries in communication, can find it difficult to understand his wrong position in the family and decide on positive changes. Consultation with a specialist will help you see yourself in the right light, determine the ways out of the crisis, which led to the violation of your own personal boundaries, and the boundaries of your spouse. Even as a couple, each person should live his own life, have only his own, intimate space.
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