I Will Not Give Apples To Nect: About Resources And Personal Boundaries

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Remember the old Soviet film about Buratino, and his words: "I won't give Nekt an apple, even though he is fighting!" ?

I do not know about you, but this phrase aroused admiration and sadness in me.

I admired, and quietly envied that the wooden boy was not even ready to share imaginary apples. It doesn’t matter that it’s supposed to be. These are his apples, and he will not give them to anyone. And no persuasion, admonition and punishment of Malvina moved him from this point of view.

And I was sad that I was not allowed to do that - adults would be ashamed. And I didn’t know how to lay claim to my personal space so boldly.

Much time has passed since that moment. I've learned to say no to things that don't suit me. I am now little touched by other people's "must", if they do not coincide with my "want".

Childhood worries about “I won't give the apples to Nekt, even though he is fighting” surfaced while working with a client, when she told that all the time she was missing something: either money, or time, or energy to do what she wants. To my question: "Do you know how to refuse others in their requests or demands?" - she replied: "I am ashamed to refuse if I have what the other needs."

A permanent lack of resources can arise if a person finds it difficult to recognize the results of his work and use them. This indicates the weakness or vulnerability of personal boundaries.

How weak or vulnerable personal boundaries manifest in life:

• the results of labor are easily depreciated from the slightest criticism: "They did not like it, it means that what I have done is complete nonsense."
• there is no perception of the value of time spent, effort, experience gained
• inability to evaluate their work in monetary terms (in professional activity) or in any other kind of resources: rest, recognition of others, etc.
• labor cost will fluctuate depending on the purchaser (easily depreciated)
• awkwardness, fear or shame arises when there is a need to claim the authorship of what has been done: "Yes, I didn’t do anything special, these are all of them."
• praise, compliments, recognition of the results by others are hardly accepted - there is guilt, shame, awkwardness
• the received wages or profits in business quickly go nowhere: "The money has been spent, but I don't know where."
• the results of research or scientific activity are put on a “shelf” or easily “distributed” to others, since the author does not know what to do with them
• a constant feeling that time / work / effort is wasted, a feeling of uselessness of what was done / lived
• what a person does does not bring any dividends: no satisfaction, no money, no prospects for the future, no experience that can be used in the future.

The strong point of the protagonist of the film "Pinocchio" is that he is capable of a direct demand or a request to say "No" if he was not satisfied with the result of the deal.

True, his vigilance was bypassed by cunning fraudulent manipulators. But that's another story.