Me And My Personal Boundaries

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Personal boundaries are a designation of a safe area for humans. When they are violated, a person usually feels anxiety, disgust, anger.

The boundary in the psychological context is what separates the "I" from the non-"I". There are my desires, feelings, things, body, faith, ideas, etc. and desires, feelings, things, body, faith, ideas, etc. Others.

Borders are not inherited, they must be formed. The process of forming boundaries lasts a lifetime. Borders are built in contact with Others, they are changing. Without clear boundaries (what is allowed and what is not in relation to me), real intimacy is impossible.

A person who allows them to violate their own boundaries allows others to manipulate themselves. A vague awareness of one's own boundaries leads to the fact that a person cannot understand what is his responsibility and what is not, where his responsibility begins and where it ends.

You can talk about violation of the border if:

• communication with people causes discomfort, anxiety, tension;

• in a couple, marriage, you feel that grievances, claims, disappointments are accumulating;
• in a relationship, you adjust to the plans, mood, words of others, although in your heart you do not really agree;
• you feel that the children are "sitting on your head";
• you try your best to be a “good” mom and still worry about not being good enough;
• at work you are called an "irreplaceable employee" and a huge number of cases are dumped, and you do not refuse, turning into a pack horse;
• parents interfere in your life, relationships, and you are afraid to defend your decisions and it does not matter if you are 18 years old or already 30-50;
• you feel that friends and relatives are abusing your kindness and disposition, and do not take into account your desires, time, plans;
• you have lost your dreams, favorite activities and no longer remember when you did something for yourself without a sense of guilt.

What is the result of not knowing your boundaries and not being able to defend them?

1. Explosion outward - a sharp outburst of aggression, as if because of a trifle, "the roof was blown off."

2. Explosion inside - I direct my anger towards others at myself (out of fear to show anger, from the rules of "goodness") and psychosomatics arises: headaches, heart problems, allergies, overweight, etc.

3. Merging with another - the boundaries are violated when the relationship for me becomes more important than myself. If for the sake of the relationship I act to my detriment.

4. The "good girl" syndrome is the rejection of one's own desires in favor of the rules, adjusting to the image that others want to see, living at their behest. Hence: confusion, depression, fatigue, constant stress, resentment.

What if my boundaries are violated?

1. It should be taken as an axiom - I have the right to have and protect my own (body, property, desires, time, etc.)

2. Begin to notice your feelings in contact with others. If in the process of communication, I feel anger, anxiety, then perhaps I narrow my boundary, devalue my needs.

3. Become aware of your thoughts that prevent you from saying "no":

- I have to be patient;

- good people are not angry;

- I am a housewife and therefore cannot ask for help around the house, this is my job;

- you need to be friends with colleagues, etc.

4. Learn

- ask for help without guilt or shame;

- talk about your desires and needs directly, and not wait for others to guess;

- to say "no" to the actions, desires of other people;

- to say "yes" to what I need.